Kilroy says: HP Customer Care sucks out loud
(Editor’s note: this post may appear lengthy, but it is well written and well worth a couple of minutes to read.)
If you’re a Hewlett-Packard fan, then I‘m sorry. Actually, no I’m not. If you’re a fan of this company, then I suggest you get therapy, because you’re paying big bucks to have the corporate giant abuse you.
ATTENTION A.D.D. SUFFERERS: Now, for those of you with a short attention span, I’ll cut right to the chase: HP sucks out loud…or at least their tech support does. If you’re considering calling them for help, you’d better know a good hair implant surgeon (we call ‘em rug doctors). You’d also better have deep pockets. Now for the rest of you overachievers, I’d like to puke out my sad story for your thoughtful consideration. It’s a long story, but well worth the read.
It all started last week when I contacted HP customer care (an oxymoron if ever there was one). For it seems like every time I call HP with a problem, their tech guys would rather sell me some piece of equipment I don’t need rather than solve my actual problem, which brings me to my latest experience with HP Customer Care.
Anyway, I contacted HP last week to solve a problem with my computer’s cooling fan running continuously and to address my processor’s sluggish performance. The first thing my tech guy (who I’ll call Habib) asked me was how long I was running the computer. I replied, “I’m running the little sucker all day, as I use it for my business.”
Habib then said that if I was going to be running it like that all the time, I needed to purchase a “chill mat” to facilitate cooling of the unit, which was overheating due to my excessive use. Funny, I thought; it didn’t used to do that as a newspaper editor (yes, the “Kilroy Times”), and believe me, I was running that laptop 24/7 back then. But okay, he’s a professional, right? I’m sure he knows better than I do. So, I purchased a chill mat from Habib. Next, my fearless tech guy went to work on my sluggish processor performance. He began with the usual things, like cleaning up temporary files, etc. When he finished, he said I should see a difference in performance. When I didn’t, he suggested I upgrade my RAM from one Gig to two. I’d been thinking about that for some time, anyway. Perhaps he was right. I am using more programs now. “How much for the upgrade,” I asked. “$130” was Habib’s reply. That seemed like a lot of money to me, but if it would solve my problem, it was worth it. Reluctantly, I agreed to follow Habib’s suggestions and ordered the RAM upgrade as well. He even offered to help me install it over the phone. Wow! Now that’s customer care, I thought to myself.
So, after waiting about three days, the RAM arrived, along with my $30 high quality molded plastic chill mat. I was ecstatic. Who knew what wonders that lay ahead for me in computing, now that my chill mat and RAM upgrade had arrived. With sweat on my upper lip, I greedily unwrapped my chill mat, booted up my computer, and plugged in the new mat. Almost as soon as I began performing some operations with my computer, my cooling fan kicked on, and remained on, until I shut the laptop down later that evening. I thought this to be strange, since my expert computer tech, Habib, had instructed me that my “made in China” chill mat would solve that problem.
But wait; it gets better. After a bit of investigating on my own, I realized that my “D” drive was almost completely full. My “C” drive wasn’t much better, with only about 8 percent of its memory available. I knew that couldn’t be right (I’ve got 80 Gigs in there). I decided that I wasn’t going to call Habib back again. If I wanted this fixed, I was going to have to do this myself. So I began transferring all my multimedia files to an external 500 Gig hard drive. Just to make sure, I also cleaned out my word documents. This action brought my available space on “C” up to 12 percent. Rats! Not even enough space to run my defragment operation. I would have to find another solution.
Next, I was going to install the RAM, but before I could do that, Habib called again and asked if I received the RAM upgrade, etc. I told him I did, but that I also found my “D” and “C” drives were clogged up and could he please fix that before dealing with the RAM. “Yes, of course. No problem,” replied Habib.
So, Habib proceeded to clean up my “D” drive. It is now 97 percent free, for which I say, “Thank you Habib!” Habib then deftly guided me through the RAM installation. This involved removing an access cover and taking out two RAM chips from my laptop. Following that, Habib asked me to install the single upgrade chip into my laptop. After doing so, we booted up my computer, which Habib was controlling remotely from his cubical in India. He asked me if I thought the computer was faster. I told him I wasn’t so sure it was. So he opened a few programs and insisted my laptop was responding much better now. That ended our session for that day. But, Habib was going to call me in two days and clean up my “C” drive. I couldn’t wait. My computer was going to be super-fast when Habib finished with it…or so I thought.
The next two days were marked by escalating frustration as my computer continued to run like the Microsoft piece of crap that it is. I knew something was up, so I went back and inspected the packing slip on the box which contained the RAM upgrade from HP. To my confusion, it read, “1 GB PC 2700 SODIMM.” Then I remembered I had taken out two chips and replaced them with the single chip for my alleged 2GB upgrade. Hmmmm…Checking the old chips, I found that they were 512MB each. Hey, that’s 1GB of RAM. And what I replaced them with was (get this) one 1GB of RAM. The difference? My 1GB of RAM was now on a single chip instead of divided between two. To be sure, I checked the BIOS and sure enough it read “1024MB” or 1GB of RAM. Now that’s what I call and “upgrade.” Thanks HP!
When Habib called to do the clean up on my “C” drive I told him what I had found. He balked slightly at first, but then when I cornered him with my impeccable logic, he had to agree that I hadn’t upgraded a damn thing. Then I said, “So, what about my ‘C’ drive?” Habib replied that after extensive analysis of my “C” drive data, he had concluded that my Halo for PC game was what was hogging my “C” drive resources and that if I would remove that program I would see a big improvement in performance. He also suggested I purchase an external hard drive. He didn’t know that I was already running a 500GB external with my laptop. At this point, I was like, “whatever Habib.” It was plain to me that he was more interested in selling me hardware I didn’t need than he was in fixing my computer. In any case, there’s no way in hell that game was hogging 80GB of disk space. But since Habib wasn’t going to do anything else, other than take down my credit card number, I redirected the conversation back to the whole RAM upgrade problem, which Habib had created. I told him that either HP needed to send me another chip free of charge for my trouble, or they were going to have to take the new chip back and give me a refund. Habib’s response was text book. “I don’t have the authority to do that,” he said. So I told our tech-support-wanna-be that if he didn’t have the authority, he needed to find someone who did. He put me on hold for about 10 minutes while he tried unsuccessfully to get his supervisor. He then told me that he’d transfer me to sales, and they would refund my money. After another ten minute wait, Habib came back on the line and said he couldn’t transfer my call, but that he could give me a phone number for sales, and I could call them myself for the refund. In all of this, I don’t think I got so much as an apology from Habib, much less compensation from HP for my trouble. Did I tell you this is a service I’m paying for? That’s right. I have extended warranty coverage through HP for just this sort of thing. What did I get for it? Many wasted hours on the phone over the course of about a week, talking with someone who didn’t know what the hell they were doing. It was the blind leading the blind. I also spent $171 on items I didn’t need.
Now that’s what I call customer care. Once again, thanks for nothing, HP. I’ll never purchase another thing from your crap company EVER again. I won’t be extending my warranty (AGAIN!), and I won’t be calling you for customer care anymore either. Nor will I be purchasing another one of your laptops. I’ll spend my $1200 dollars somewhere else…like Apple.
Popularity: 4% [?]
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!
This sounds so much like a previous article………
Well, from one wise old “ignorant” fool to anyone who is furious over this truth of life, a small bit of advice =
If you plan on owning a car, do yourself a favor and learn how to drive it first. Then, to further be prepared, learn and form good habits of maintenance and repair.
Translate that into the IT world and …
By the luck of the draw, my step daughter came to me to show me this laptop she was going to buy to help her with college she has enrolled in. I said, COOL !!! let’s see this beast !!!
She carted this Ubuntu Linux piece of crap (for what she needed) …….but the whole issue was that she took all the pc classes in school and doesn’t know the difference between a MB and a GB…….RAM ??? , what’s that………Linux , isn’t that like XP ? ………well, totally L-O-S-T !!!
Some “salesman” sold her on a pc. Who cares about what she needed, they want a buck. They bank on the fact that people are ignorant…………so………my small bit of advice =
DON’T BE IGNORANT !!!
For those who make a living on a computer…….you have two choices, either make it a priority to learn the machine or trust some other person to gouge you for what they can get. Oh yeah, extended warranties are usually always a crock………but in the pc world…geez ! you really need to buy one , right ? If the thing is gonna “break” it’ll “break” before the OEM is up anyhow. That extended gets you on the phone to buy something else. They bank on the fact you don’t know what the hell you are doing in the first place.
So choose to buy knowledge, not a warranty. Don’t have time to learn ? You have time to make a buck and don’t have time to prevent losing that same dollar ? Paaaaaaalllllease !!!
But, oops…to quote Kilroy = “the blind leading the blind.”
Such is life.
Then again, call your local computer geek and let him have that cash instead of the HP Corp’s.
That’s because it is a previous article (which you already knew). This was up for a grand total of about 1 day. It was pulled after it was discovered that the post was unauthorized in it’s “pure,” “unadulterated” form. Anyway, the editorial review board cleaned it up and now it is ready for human consumption.
Anyway, you are so right about knowledge. “Don’t be ignorant,” indeed. Live and learn, as they say. Thanks for the comment old bean. See you next time.
Oh my, oh my!! I laughed and I winced reading Kilroy’s piece. I bought a HP laptop 11 months ago (1-year anniversary just around the corner), after owning a Compaq for 1 yr and a Dell for 7. Unlike my previous 2 I chose NOT to get extended warranty on this “beauty.”
Thus far, no major problems, but I have occasionally noted the cooling fan problem Kilroy described. If and when this machine breaks down, I would then consider a MAC.
Everybody loves a MAC……..then again everybody is not “ready” for a MAC.
My criticism (Chad) is not for Kilroy…which I think you both know, but intended for any poor schmo who may read this thread.
Just curious….unauthorized by whom ? You wrote the previous piece, no ? No matter. It is GREAT and informative.
Jordan, is it the cooling fan or what’s controlling the cooling fan or well……….what’s the cooling fan for ? (not meant for you or Chad or whoever, but those who do not know). Also, can the literal brains of the pc (lap or desk) control the functionality of the rest of the system ? Can one trust another schmo from India to have full access to their “private” world?
Warranties are good under the right conditions. I got a warranty on my daughter’s laptop (DELL Inspiron that I personally picked out) only because it included spills and drops and human errors. Teenagers !!! As for the function of the beast on it’s own………not why I got the warranty. Now, my step-daughter……well, trying to get her to get what she needs and not a sales pitch. I never said Linux was bad, just not what she needed. She comprehends the XP Interface, reads half of a FASFA App and signs her name. NOT GOOD of itself, but trying to get her to comprehend beyond the Microsoft norm is a real challenge. Linux kernel is GOOD !!! it’s just diff from the same ole MS way.
Why create a new problem with a confused-already child ? Deviate from the norm and one becomes a lost puppy. There is a good reason the Linux kernel is the gateway instead of the MS child of which Linux protects. The GUI of MS sells the product.
If you can build a pc……….why not build a laptop ???
Thanks for the props, buddy. Yeah, I wrote it some time ago. Basically, we have an editorial review for every piece before it gets published. There’s also a rigorous editing and proofing process prior to the publication of any piece on site, with the latter being rather painful at times for both writer and editor.
Anyway, the original piece was published by mistake without any oversight. The result? About a blue million emails from offended readers, eight of which were members of the editorial review board. It turns out the piece violated our PG-13 standard for content on this site. This is one of those areas where even the so-called “boss” can be trumped. But in this case, I actually agreed that the piece was probably a bit risque with its kinky sex references as a metaphor for my disgust with HP, etc…LOL. Had it been properly reviewed, it would’ve gone up the first time as you see it today.
Have a good one.
I suppose , since you twist my arm………
all computers draw in air to help cool down the heat of their normal use. Even laptops have fans and heat sinks to cool the unit. On the desktop, you easily take the side panel off to clean the dust out.
Ever take your lap apart to clean the dust off the components ? If it draws in air for cooling capability, it’ll draw in dust and …dust clogs things up.
Sorry for the “need” for such extensive editorial review, but in this wacky world I do indeed understand.
I personally don’t recall an offensive slur of a kind previous, but no matta’ , I understand the cause. Maybe I got too into the article to get hung up on one little – bitty line of offense.
I understand you guys’ legal responsibility , it’s just a shame that is what this world (America) has come to. We all live it, just you guys in a different sense.
Hey, I am hungry……..how’s about a late nite snack ? CALL ME !!! or email as I will be on for a few finishing other tasks. We meet or I come see you and carry-in.
Tried to call, but you are online. Check your email and call me when you’re no longer surfin the net. I’ll have the phone with me, so I’ll pick up when you call.
See you pal
With all due respect Chad and Dave, this is not eHarmony.com.
Get a room!
Ron, we would……but one room is just not big enough for both our egos !
Love ya’ , too my friend even tho it did not take eHarmony.com
Are you cavin’ it this Friday ?
What’s the matter Ron, life’s stressing ‘ya?
Dave, the cooling fan is for keeping the processor cool particularly when laptop/desktop is in prolonged usage [similar to people under lots of hot "barometric" pressure...eh, eh].
Like you, I wouldn’t entrust anyone with remote access to my laptop, be it a “habib” or “Mario the tech” from Pleasant Valley, KY.
I am convinced “perfect” computers do not exist. [Same as people]. You always take a gamble when purchasing electronics. The extended warranty I purchased while owing the Dell laptop came in very handy as in the FIRST year of ownership I had to replace the keyboard [some keys "faded away] and the MOTHERBOARD!! As far as Dell’s customer’s care I can’t complain. They were speedy in resolving the issues. After all, for $300+ it’s the least Dell could have done.
I ended up having to replace the keyboard [for the same reason] during year #2. By the time, keys faded away [for third time] the warranty had expired.
I would probably still be using Dell were not for the fact that last year I switched from dial-up to DSL and lo and behold, that’s when I found out the ethernet port that came with the laptop was not supported with the particular Inspiron! Who woulda have thunk it!
Sounds like sour grapes, Ron.
NEVER EVER BUY ANYTHING FROM HP !!! They used to be a company with integrity and are rip off corporate greed sellouts today. Myself and 15 other people that I am conversing with bought HP plasma TV’s about 2 years ago. EVERY SINGLE ONE HAS FAILED THE SAME WAY with a loud POP and no picture.
JOIN THE CLASS ACTION SUIT IF YOU BOUGHT A HP plasma !
HP service said $660 and no guarantee that the new part will fix it. I paid over $2000 and now I have a boat anchor. My father called this morning, his tv went out, BUT IT WAS 35 years old !!!! I told him to STAY AWAY from HP and not to expect the next one to last as long.