Why is it that when you hit a certain age, it annoys you that kids are playing in your front yard- especially other people's kids? Stranger's kids.
They aren't really hurting anything. Hell, stomping that grass might slow it's growth, ultimately saving me from having to break out the riding lawnmower and all the intensive labor that would follow. Like steering. And working the pedal.
Maybe it's the noise? It bugs me when I hear car doors slamming outside, or cars driving by. Which is weird, because when I was stationed overseas, planes were always taking off, all day long, and I completely tuned it out.
Is it like super-powers? Does age grant some kind of cosmic awareness that replaces the obliviousness of youth? Coupled with hyper-irritability?
I know something that irritates me. Twitter.
Here I am, only 41 years old, and Twitter really bugs me. Not because I'm a technophobe. Or a grownup. I'm neither. I play Xbox, I carry an Android Developer Phone and have been using computers since the Timex Sinclair (that's pre-Commodore 64 for you wannabe geeks). I email regularly. Obsessive-compulsively, in fact. As soon as I get an email, it's like someone knocking on my door and I have to answer. Same with my phone. Damn texting.
But I don't get Twitter. Heck, I don't get Facebook or Myspace either. What's wrong with reliable bulletin boards- BBS is what we used to call them in the heady pre-Al Gore-invented-the-internet-days…. Heck, even those Yahoo Newsgroups are okay.
Whoops, it's been five minutes since my last Twitter, hang on a sec…
Yeah, I'm Twittering. I feel like Billie Madison, back in kindergarten or something. I know, lots of old people Twitter. Brent Spiner for example. I sort of get why kids like to hear what Ashton Kutcher is eating or flushing at any given moment, but Brent Spiner? Data? Do kids these days even know what Star Trek: The Next Generation is?
Call us crazy at MTW, but we decided that maybe some Twittering would be good for us. Get the old creative juices rejuvenated with some hip, young Twittering. Or e-rambling, as I like to think of it.
"Burp. I burped."
"Tasted that chicken from lunch."
"Lunch was two hours ago. When will I have to potty?"
"Uh-oh, teacher sees me…"
You get the idea- Twittering is just random drivel. Thoughts people too lazy to say "please" and "thank you" punch into mobile devices with obsessive zeal. Observations and reflections that should have been left to their inner voice. Assuming they have one. Those kids are getting louder day by day, you know.
The worst thing about Twitter though, is the mobile-phone connection. Not only does it allow you to ramble out loud on the internet, via your cellphone, like deranged, demented elderly people in nursing homes, it also allows you to hear other people rambling. Better have an unlimited texting plan though- some people can't shut up. They feel compelled to comment every five seconds. Heck, since I started this article I've Twittered over a dozen times.
It kind of reminds me of Phillip K. Dick. He wrote this great book (those pressed, wood fiber sheets with letters, that don't require batteries or cellular service to read), entitled "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" I wonder if electronic sheep dream of androids. Android phones. All these folks Twittering are like sheep. E-sheep, standing around in the virtual world of the web, bah-ing occasionally to no end. And of course, to Twitter, you need a phone. And Android is the freely-distributable OS for cellular phones put out for Google.
There. See how easy that was- that was a Twitter-like line of thought. In Twitter speak, I'd have said it like this:
"Bladerunner. Good movie."
"Bad Androids."
"Bob has an Android G1."
"I like iphones."
I know, a lot of info left out of the Twitter stream of consciousness. But kids these days are too lazy. I mean, they have abandoned blogging and the deep, soulful reflections full of prose and wit and replaced it with… twit.
Really though, I should embrace Twittering, because it is close to caveman speak. Simple exclamations, short on durations, conveying meaning.
"Food."
"Hungry."
"Eat?"
It's like e-grunting. Beat that, Twitter!
NOTE: Come see me at www.twitter.com/troglodad and read for yourself how uncool and old I really sound.
TWIT OR TWEET!
Excellent post, Trog. Yep. Me and Ron were talking about this last night. Twittering is, like Joe Biden, and his plan to keep the border open: DUMB!
I mean, who has time for this crap anyway. Are people’s lives really that empty?
Oops! I think I hear my colon draining.
I’m playing with my shoes.
found a booger underneath the table.
What are those round semi green things down there?
Oh, false alarm, just petrified peas.
My 2 year old is eating one, now.
I have to go pee.
Anybody for a game of snickerdoodle?
Twitter has to be the biggest waste of life on planet earth. But hey, if it boosts our traffic, I’m all for it. What am I saying? I love twitter…and twits who tweet. Better go get that account.
I think it’s the modern equivalent of tagging (grafitti). Folks enjoy making their mark on the (cyber) world. If only I could reverse sort the entries- it’s confusing scrolling down and reading entries in reverse. I feel like I’m traveling back in time.
Later today, I’ll post all my comments from last night’s experiment. I was trying to see how many tweets icould do in an hour, while writing this blog and texting on my phone with a pal. Quite maddening…
Can’t believe I actually read all of that, and the 2 comments.
Was actually thinking how sorry I was I did not get in on the techno-revolution……….this just reminded me of how I am more content with the only twittering (or tweeting for that matter) coming from the birds in my back yard out here in “My-space” USA.
Oops, a noise, a sound, a buzz, a hum.
The hummingbird back to feed?
Nope just that damn phone again……
From some damn bum.
Selling me something I don’t even need.
Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! The joys of modern day living.
This story irks me.
I irk myself.
Wait a minute…….snap out of it , Dave……that was close, I was almost a ‘zoid myself.
Good Day Ye Merry Men.
hehehe…and good day to ye, matey. Aaargh!
Your blog design’s VERY professional! I hope you like Twitter. Just read what interests you and block out the rest! ADDED YOU!
Welcome to MTW, Kelly- we look forward to your participation.
I think of Twitter (for my personal account) as a version of an online diary. I like to post when I’ve seen a movie or silly stuff that’s going on in my life. Either my followers are interested or their not, I don’t twitter for the followers I do it for myself.
I like to see some of the details of my friends and family on Twitter which I wouldn’t otherwise even know about.
I recently wrote an article about how the more I Twitter the less I have in me for articles on my blog.
Kelly and Rob
I realize not everyone who twitters is a twit. I was generalizing, as even our beloved T.R. Oglodad tweets. I hope you guys and gal weren’t offended.