(NOTE: This post was originally composed on Sunday, May 9, 2010)

Dear Olive Garden,

I'm at your Clarksville, IN rest. and it will be the last time I ever come here.

We waited 1 hour and 12 minutes to be seated. At a 4-person booth. A chair was put at the end as we have a 5-person party.

That's bullshit. Leading us thru the rest. without even asking if a little munchkin booth is okay. Couldn't say no when we got there, as we have hungry, upset children (age 10 & 4) with us. As well as their 65 yr old grandmother. Who was tired of sitting outside waiting. So we're stuck, crammed in a little f***ing booth like it's the Japanese subway.

If I haven't painted enough of a picture, let me illustrate it better. I'm 6'4″ by 315 lbs. And I'm sitting in a damned wooden chair at the end of the table, with barely enough room for a drink. It'll be interesting to see where the f*** my plate is going to go.

If this was father's day, we'd be gone. I wouldn't put up with this shit. You'll get my money today- thanks to my wife. But I'll never set foot in your damned restaurants again.

ADDENDUM (May 10, 2010):

Even the Universe agreed with me this time.

In addition from being forced to sit in cramped subway conditions, and subjected to ordering the airplane food Olive Garden hawks at over-inflated prices, my lunch went further downhill. When our lunch finally did arrive, my wife, my mother-in-law, and my 4 year old daughter got their lunch. My 10 year old daughter and myself got word that it was shift change and we were getting a new waittress. Oh, and our meals would be out soon.

You know, it was painfully obvious I was unhappy, so I guess I can see making me wait to eat. But why make a ten year old little girl suffer? She was very hungry after that hour-and-a-quarter outside. But instead of getting to eat, she got to watch her sister, grandma and mother eat.

Oh, sure, our meals came out eight minutes later… but that's no excuse. Of all days of the year when service should be excellent, Mother's Day is it.

At this point I was sure fuming. I was prepared to ask for my change back when I finally got the bill, and leave a penny on the table as my tip. But the Universe provided. Our bill for our horrid meal was $67.99. Awesome. I left $68, told the girl I didn't need any change and we left.

Which is what my meal did a few hours later. Quite violently. In fact, I am fairly certain Olive Garden is responsible for several trips to the bathroom to squeeze the Charmin.

What a lovely time.

Again, Olive Garden- you can suck it.