Animal nuts, right?
By Troglodad
MTW contributing writer
For years, a pet peeve of mine has been all the imbeciles who value animal life over that of humans. In fact, my motto has always been “Save the whales; we?ll eat them later.”
What really irks me is that so many put so much effort into helping animals when there are children starving, going without education or even lacking clean clothes. But instead of helping them, the animal nuts want to protest the inhumane treatment of chickens, or people wearing fur.
Why have I never seen Greenpeace blockading slums to help poor children, or one of the more militant groups liberating children from the homes of convicted molesters?
All that aside though, I have just read what is undoubtedly the craziest, animal nut story ever:
LAMB AID AFTER ANIMAL’S MOOR FALL
Seems a poor, lost, wittle lamb was found near to death in Lancashire, England, after falling into a gully. The five week old ANIMAL, was rescued by horseback riders (wonder how horses feel about being pressed into service?). And now there?s going to be a “Lamb Aid” concert to help pay the critter?s vet bills.
WHAT?!
Have the British gone totally #@!&ing insane?
I?m sorry, but I missed the concerts to rehabilitate horses that injure themselves in races, like the Kentucky Derby. And what about all those stray dogs and cats that get euthanized?
It?s livestock! If it?s that badly injured put it down or eat it or something!
Oh my God! I just stepped on a cockroach! Quick, somebody call an entymologist! We can save this little guy! Of course, the bills will be astronomical, but with the support of animal rights nuts everywhere, maybe we can have a concert to pay for it! Yeah, Roach Aid. Nope, wait, that?s too much like Raid, the Roach killing bug spray. Um, Creepy-Crawly Aid?
I wonder what Sally Struthers thinks of all this animal nonsense?
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Too funny, yet so true. Maybe we should go hunt some tofu for dinner.