The Coffee Devotion
By Chad Phillips
MTW contributing writer
Sooner or later it’s going to happen; you’re going to cock your head to Agent Smith’s “sound of inevitability” and reach for that first cup-of-Joe. That’s the price of growing old and the attendant fatigue which seems to ever be in relentless pursuit of us old timers.
It all started out innocently enough. I would have an occasional “spot” of coffee in the morning, you know…when I wasn’t feeling particularly fresh. But it wasn’t long before I was having a full cup every morning.
In fact, there was time when I could think of nothing better than curling up on the couch in the wee hours of the morning with nothing but a cup of STRONG coffee, a bible, and my favorite set of Greek and Hebrew language study tools. That was before my second child was born; I now have four, one on the way, and I have hit the big “40.”
While middle age and parenting certainly agrees with me, I have found one particular drawback in this whole scenario: I am rapidly losing the ability to wake up, both in the morning and after my noon siesta. The only thing which seems to restore normalcy to my life (after I reach escape velocity upon lift-off from the mattress’s gravity) is a good, strong, black cup-o-Joe.
And although the honeymoon days are over with regard to my relationship to coffee, I find that it (JAVA) has become an indispensable part of my life, every bit as necessary as food, water, and shelter.
Over the years, I’ve become quite a connoisseur of coffee and have found that the quickest two bucks I can spend are for a Starbucks double shot of espresso down at the local Gas-N-Foodmart. The only problem is the stuff comes premixed with cream. A purist likes his coffee in its pristine form: freshly ground and BLACK! None of that watered down Sweet-N-Low crap. Us real men like it strong enough to “pull the ears off a Gandar.” And only sissies or girls would dare defile a good cup of coffee by putting cream and sugar in it.
Lest you think drinking coffee is the easy way out for those of us who lack the vibrant enthusiasm of impetuous youth, consider the ramifications of good coffee: Bad breath, stained teeth, hypertension, thyroid and adrenal exhaustion, worn teeth, insomnia, Liver toxicity, and nutritional deficiencies, to name a few. It’s the beverage of risk takers: the few, the proud, the coffee drinkers. May we forever imbibe of that nectar of the gods and be loosed from the bonds of mental and physical fatigue.
I just take Adderall. It’s faster and lasts way longer. Plus you can crush it and snort it if you really need a jolt. Snorting coffee might cause some serious mucous issues.
Never any cream or sugar….but Folgers brewed with a dash of salt and a cap full or more of pure vanilla in the drip coffeemaker. Have to use decaf now but loved the other 30 years ago and drank 8 cups a day. Enjoy it while you’re young….40 is NOT old unless you’re of another species.