By Ted West
MTW contributing writer

I hate Bob Melvin, and if you don't know who he is, I envy you, because I have to scream at him almost every night. He's an incompetent idiot who needs to be tapped upside the head with a baseball bat. OK, I didn't mean the last part.

Although I'd pay to see that.

Fox Sports just proclaimed Melvin to be their selection for Manager of the Year. And to the uninformed that seems perfectly plausible, because the Diamondbacks are the winningest team in baseball since the All Star game, and they are, for another few moments, three games up on the second place Padres in their division.

No thanks to Bob Melvin though.

Melvin is, officially, the manager of the Diamondbacks, and I say "officially" because he doesn't really manage. What he does is hope for the best.

That's why Mark Reynolds stood at the plate with a chance to break the major league record for consecutive strikeouts (held by a number of players) – and why only by becoming a hit batsman was he likely saved from the ignominious distinction of being the new, lone, record holder.

And it's why Reynolds was allowed to continue striking out after that. I believe his new streak is two in a row (the record is nine), and he's supposed to be in the lineup tomorrow night.

But that's where Arizona's luck comes in. it's a team whose leadoff hitter is batting a little more than .230 but who has a notable distinction…

Chris Young usually either strikes out or hits a homerun – he's got 28… homeruns, that is. His strikeouts number 103 before tonight's game, and he leads the team by a large margin in that department. In terms of getting on base, this leadoff batter has the lowest percentage among the D'backs' starters, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if reaches base less than any other leadoff hitter in the Bigs.

Bob Melvin has a notable distinction as well. He loses, all by himself, at least a dozen games a year for the team. He does that through inaction, rote action, and sheer stupidity… and nobody but me seems to notice.

So how can the Diamondbacks have such a good record, you ask? Beats me. If you compare their starting lineup to other teams you will find that they are lacking in almost every important category. But somehow, a team full of less than average hitters inevitably manages to have one person a night come through when it counts… and they win.

But when Melvin has to manage, they lose and tonight is a perfect example. Playing the Padres in San Diego, they managed to be leading 1-0 in the seventh inning behind pitcher Livan Hernandez who normally gives up more than five runs a game.

So when the first Padre singles to start the seventh, what would you do? Put in a relief pitcher? Not if you're Bob Melvin, you won't. In fact, if you're Melvin, you may or may not take that hit as a signal to order someone to start warming up.

Melvin let Hernandez pitch without so much as a trip to the mound. And the next guy hit a homerun. 2-1 Padres, And with Padre pitching, the lateness of the game, and the fact that today's step-up guy had already stepped up in the person of Eric Burns who hit the homerun to give them that slim lead that just evaporated, you can rack up this loss right now.

As important as this win would have been, equally important was that Hernandez didn't deserve to lose. I mean, when you talk about baseball's great pitchers, Hernandez won't be part of that conversation. Yet tonight, he had risen mightily to the occasion against the Padre's ace and bested Jake Peavy for two thirds of a game.

So having given up that leadoff walk in the bottom of the seventh, it would have been a tribute to Hernandez to provide him a seat on the bench with a great view of the action as a reward for "Mission Accomplished." A relief pitcher might still have allowed that run to score, but at worst, Hernandez would have gotten a no-decision. And it's just as likely he might have ended up being credited with a win.

That's because, besides extraordinary luck, the one thing the Diamondbacks do have is a good relief staff. Cruz, Pena, Lyons, and Valverde, who leads the majors in saves, have often, even usually, been "lights out" to the opposition with their 95+ miles per hour fastballs, and remarkable ERAs

But Melvin didn't take Hernandez out until he had someone pinch-hit for Livan in the eighth inning. By then, the old warhorse could only lose. Yes, he might still have gotten a no-decision, but knowing the Diamondbacks and Padre Peavy, that would have required

supernatural intervention… and it appeared the Lord had left for the day. In my opinion, that's not only bad managing, it's utterly disrespectful of Hernandez and his job well done.

This sort of thing has been going on for three years. Melvin earns praise for doing nothing, and no one points out that he is, literally, doing nothing. A chimp could manage as well.

And I'd pay to see that too.

HEY, this may not mean a thing to you, but it's KILLING ME!