Did you have a predator Christmas?
2008 is here; Christmas is over; and like always, it felt like the season went too fast and wasn’t all that Christmasy. Grudgingly, I have to admit that in light of the 2007 Christmas season, 20th Century Fox was right: there was no peace on Earth.
At least, that’s what Fox was hoping for; that was their marketing slogan for the new Alien vs. Predator: Requiem movie released on Christmas day.When I first heard that Fox was releasing an alien killing spree on Christmas day, I immediately quipped "Man, I bet Jesus is excited." I was being sarcastic. And, despite my eagerness to see the film, I put off doing so until the Saturday after Christmas, so I could actually celebrate the birth of Christ with my family, rather than the release of a film all about gruesome deaths.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE the Predator, Alien, and Alien vs. Predator film franchises. I even shelled out $140 for a museum-quality Predator action figure made by a company in China to set on a shelf in the movie room of my house. And I have stacks of Predator comics from the 1980s and 90s. And I’m always dreaming about the Predator facing off against other movie monster greats like the Gillman or Graboids.
But a Christmas day release? And "no peace on Earth"?
That’s a little bit much, don’t you think?
Well, apparently you all didn’t think the same thing as me. Turns out AVP:R came in third for all time successful, Christmas-day releases, raking in $9.5 million dollars in just one day. By week’s end, AVP:R had earned $30.6 Million.
That’s a lot of humbugs going to the movies when they should have been home.
When I was a single man, I would have been thrilled by the prospect of a decent action movie being at the theater on Christmas day. Of course, the only time I’ve ever actually went to the movies on Christmas was to see Batteries not Included back in 1987. But even that lame-o movie was released on December 18th, not Christmas day.
Again, I have to ask, what was Fox thinking?! Christmas is about remembering the birth of Christ. It’s about good will to others, charity and kindness. It’s about giving presents, not taking lives, acid-blooded monsters, and face-hugging creatures that implant flesh-eating embryos in hosts.
Ah, but why bother lecturing about what Christmas should have been. It’s over, and most of you are now probably obsessed with how to burn off all that weight you gained eating Christmas treats- and movie popcorn.
But not me! I’m looking forward to the next Predator and Alien films. In fact, I have a few ideas for them.
For a Valentine’s release, I suggest Aliens vs. Cupid. Love leads to procreation, and the alien facehuggers are all about clinging to victim’s faces and implanting alien embryos inside hosts. Maybe for a movie tie in, we could have chocolate-covered spiders?
For an Easter release, Fox could rush out Elmo vs. Predator. Elmo is a monster after all- exactly what the Predator hunts. True, the Predator cutting down the Easter Bunny with his shoulder-mounted plasma cannon would be super traumatic for children, but what chance does the Easter Bunny have against a cloaked predator? At least Elmo is part monster, and has lots of monster friends. I think it’s high time we had some alien killing on Sesame Street.
I mean, who cares about the resurrection of Christ when you can sell movie tickets?
My best idea though, is for Fox to not drag their feet on releasing AVP:R on DVD. There are already bootlegs of it on the internet. So why not release AVP:R on DVD on Good Friday. And pack that sucker full of easter eggs.
AVP isn’t my cup of tea, but your point is well taken and your ideas for upcoming versions are good for a laugh.
Jan 12th, 2008 at 1:39 am
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