Evidently, Ted Kennedy actually does know something the general public doesn't: the real identity of Barack Obama.

According to an unnamed high ranking official for the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) the real Barack Obama was kidnapped and taken out of the country by Al Quaida operatives in mid January. In his place the operatives installed an individual with a remarkably similar build and a facial structure which was radically reconstructed to look identical to Barack Obama's.

DHS officials became suspicious of "Obama" when Senator Ted Kennedy unexpectedly endorsed Obama over long time liberal sycophant and ally, Hillary Clinton.

Then came the break the DHS were waiting for. At a recent press conference Kennedy called Barack Obama, Osama Bin Laden. Within hours, agents raided "Obama's" home to find a massive collection of video tapes and audio recordings of Barack Obama. Also, found on the premises was a manual entitled, How to be Barack Obama. This led many of the investigators to ask the question, "Who is Barack Obama?" No one had an answer except to say, "This Barack Obama is certainly NOT the Barack Obama we've been waiting for."

After raiding the Obama home, agents arrested the man formerly known as Barack Obama (but whose name was unknown at the time) at a fund raiser. Fingerprint and dental record analysis have now confirmed the unbelievable truth: the man thought to be Barack Obama is really none other than Osama Bin Laden.

Bin Laden was released on his own recognizance after bail was posted by Senator Kennedy and pending the general election.

Asked if he hated America, Senator Kennedy had this to say. "I just want to ensure we have the best leadership possible in this country."

It was thought that Bin Laden was killed last year while trying to order a commemorative plate series by phone. DHS traced the call and targeted the location in Northern Iraq with bunker buster missiles. A body was never found, but circumstantial evidence pointed to the likely demise of Bin Laden.

Bin Laden declined to comment on his own death, but said he still planned on running a strong campaign this year.