By Santiago Rojas
MTW contributing writer
A rare breed of duck known as the kwackerus webbed footerus was discovered in Antarctica by a team of Global Warming fanatics recently.
When the group, which refers to itself as Melters United Against Antimelters (MUAA) found the duck, they inadvertently made an astounding discovery; it had ingested the equivalent of four quarts of motor oil. Lab tests revealed that the duck had been ingesting the oil for an extended period of time and that the oil in question was the Quaker State brand.
Toxicology tests surprisingly showed that the duck had no ill effects from ingesting the oil. Instead, the rare duck had a buoyancy rating roughly three times that of other "water resting" fowl. In addition, the duck's feathers were virtually waterproof.
As a result, scientists are now poised to release findings which suggest that refined oil is actually beneficial to water fowl.
In response, the melters are uniting with the environmental activist group, GreenPeace, to bring a class action lawsuit against the scientists, and the oil companies. They claim the duck's rights were infringed upon and that friction from the expulsion of digested oil via the duck's anus is responsible, in part, for the premature melting of parts of Antarctica.
For years, a pet peeve of mine has been all the imbeciles who value animal life over that of humans. In fact, my motto has always been "Save the whales; we?ll eat them later."