Category: humor
Musings From The Old Man – Part 2

So let me pick up where I left off – it’s all about the money, or as James Carville famously opined, “It’s the economy, stupid!” And before you go off about him being a democratic hack, remember that he also said, “The reason I became a Democratic operative instead of a Republican was because there were more Democrats that didn’t have a clue than there were Republicans.” You got to love a guy with that level of political egalitarianism.

So anyway, in our present crisis, we must first decide how we feel about the government spending gobs of money to encourage economic growth. For the record, this concept of spending our way out of a recession is by no means a new idea, but rather a very old one. It goes back to the British economist, J. M. Keynes, who’s ideas were implemented by Franklin Roosevelt and the New Deal. It is an article of liberal faith, devoutly believed in and fervently preached by our new president, that government spending by an alphabet soup of newly created federal agencies (WPA, CCC, etc) dug us out of the Great Depression in the 1930’s, and that this same process will save us again today. This is an entirely predictable tax and spend solution from a community organizer from Chicago. The problem with this approach, however, is that it attempts to address a fundamentally new problem, with an old and still much-debated economic answer.

Remember that our new president has pledged that his stimulus plan will add 3-4 million new jobs to the economy. When Roosevelt created the New Deal in 1932, core unemployment in this country stood at 25%. Seven years later, in 1939, on the eve of WWII, it was still 19%! A strong case can be made that military enlistments and spending associated with the war did far more to finally end the Depression than the New Deal did. There is simply no evidence to suggest the remotest likelihood that government spending can meaningfully impact employment over the long term. So soak in the hot tub and digest that idea for a minute or two.

The other big problem with the Keynesian government spending solution is that when the government borrows and/or prints money to spend, the twin devils of inflation and currency devaluation inevitably follow. Following the Great Depression, and faced with the shared peril of world war, we allowed our government to impose broad rationing and nearly absolute wage and price controls to hold down inflationary pressures.

Our new president has mercifully declined to speculate about what his new administration’s answer will be when rising interest rates and inflation begin to consume our deficit-spending-driven recovery, as they surely will. Even Dr. “Change-You-Can-Believe-In” Obama will fail in getting the American public to swallow the medicine of wage and price controls, and when his approval ratings plummet as he tries, you can say you read it here first!

So now that I have scourged the Democrats for trotting out their 70-year-old prom queen in some tarty new makeup, do I have a better answer? Only this – let’s be uncommonly cautious about heeding the siren song of “show me the money.” Let’s demand, again and again, that we have accountability for a level of debt that will dog our way of life for decades to come. Let us focus patiently on the creativity of our free-enterprise system to find the answers we need, and the operative word here is “patiently.” I will agree with the president only in this – we have the capacity to rebuild our economy, and we will, but it will take time. Now let’s talk about dislocation and new beginnings – what American workers need to hear as we go forward, but that’s a rant for another day.

(Editor's note: You can find part one of this series here).

 
Where have all the real men gone?

I'm feeling a little lonely here.  Like I'm the last real Man in America.

I’m talking about the e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Holster I just read about.  It's the straw that broke the camel’s back. Or maybe wrapped it in sissified, purse-ified comfort.

The Gadget Shoulder Holster, or "dork purse" as I'll call it,  vaguely looks like some kind of undercover shoulder holster for a handgun. But it’s a purse. Or maybe a bra with a side pocket.

And it's gotten me thinking. Has mankind sunk so low?

Where have all the real men gone? Why am I surrounded by an America full of panty-waisted, metrosexually confused twerps? Look at the presidential election for God’s sake! Obama is a pencil-necked geek. The toughest thing he’s ever faced in his life was a spoonful of crack. John McCain on the other hand was a bad ass Navy flier, who was beaten and tortured for five years to the point he can’t even raise his hands over his head. And yet he still campaigns and runs for office at an age when he should be retired, and sitting on the beach sipping a cool drink and watching the ladies.

What is happening to America? Forget the left-leaning nazification helmed by the Devilcrats. What about the virtual castration of our male populace?

I'm not exagerating people.

How often are you in traffic and you notice that the car ahead of you has no driver? You shake your head, realizing that KITT is a Mustang on NBC, not the rusted beater ahead of you, and then you finally notice the tuft of hair sticking up in front of a headrest.  You think for a moment, "look at that little old lady." Then you see it's a dude! A dude so frickin’ short he can barely see over the steering wheel.

Or take all these Viagra, Cialis and other plumbing medications for men we see on TV all the time! C’mon! A real man wouldn’t whine about his manhood. Nor would he jump up during a commercial and announce "Hey! I need some of those pills!" I mean, who are these advertisements for?

Look around you carefully and take note of the men in your life. How many drink diet coke? How many go to a hair stylist instead of a barber? How many will admit to pedicures?

Do you think some pink-shirt-wearing, pedicured, purse-carrying, diet-coke-drinking, Weight Watchers-eating band of sissies could have defeated the Nazis in World War II?! Can anyone reading this imagine their grandfather worrying about the fat content of a cheeseburger from McDonald’s, or wearing black because it’s slimming?

I should have seen this coming. I mean, I’m a student of history. I remember when fanny packs came out. People called those purses. And what about body sprays for men, instead of just cologne? Penny Loafers. Izod shirts. Light Beer. Xena.

Our male population has been reduced to a herd of geldings. There are no bulls left. Just little twerps worried about their looks, their fashion and their health. What a bunch of girls.

A real man wears his phone in a holster on his belt, next to his gigantic pocket knife. Or carries it old school, in his pocket with a massive set of keys and a couple of dollars worth of change. Throw in a couple of nuts and bolts, a drill bit and maybe some beer tabs- remnants from that DIY project around the house the weekend before.

A man’s pockets should be like the junk drawer in the kitchen, containing a little bit of everything. You thrust your hand in and wince as sharp things pierce your skin, then you pull out a handful of shrapnel and transfer it to a new pair of pants. You don’t organize your belongings in a shoulder-slung, multipocket contraption made of fine leather that matches your damn shoes.

Oh, sure, the manufacturer probably thinks guys will buy it so they can look like Dirty Harry, whipping out their iPhones to call 9-1-1 at the first sign of danger. What, are you five? If it isn’t concealing a weapon that can actually kill someone, it’s a frickin’ purse.

Might as well start speaking French- they’re all a bunch of socialist, purse-carrying sissies too.

 
And I thought the original was bad…

Russians playing Sweet Home Alabama??? Sorry…it's even worse than that. Another "must be both seen and heard to be believed." The guys over at To The Point News where my old friend T.P. picked this up, recommend having a Stoli prepared when you fire this video up. I'm not into the hard stuff anymore. I'm not even sure it would help. So, for you light weights, may I recommend meditation? Or you could just have a beer and a brat. Better yet, just leave the brat and take the beer. You'll toss your cookies…er, uh, I mean brat otherwise. As a once professional musician, I can honestly say that this is just sick! Don't forget to gargle. Neophytes need not apply.