Category: Uncategorized
THOR’s Day Rant: Does Anyone Really Win?
Written by Troglodad
Thursday, 16 April 2009 14:09
3 Comments

I’m a sucker for online contests. I enter them all the time. Despite the fact I never win anything. And every time I lose, even though I fully expected it, I get mad. Then I begin to wonder- was any prize really given out?

My obsession with drawings started back in the 1980s, when a local car parts store was giving away a brand new Ford Ranger pickup truck. Entries were accepted at the store, by filling out a slip and putting it in a box, or by writing your information on a 3×5 business card. I opted for the latter. 658 times.

Yes, I actually sat at home and filled out 658 entries. I took them to the store and dropped them into the box slot in packs of 30 or so. It took awhile.

Looking back on it, I see that it was a colossal waste of time. More than likely, when that box was emptied, someone saw all those cards, probably stuck together, and took a bunch out.

After years of losing in virtually every contest I ever entered, I was about to give up when I stumbled across online entries. Lots of them. Never again would I have to hand write hundreds of entries. Better still, a lot of the contests have grand, first and second prizes.

And while I could be one of a hundred owners of a free t-shirt, there have been some pretty good grand prizes to lure me in. I particularly was interested in the special-edition Corvette given away as a Speed Racer (the movie) promotion. I knew I wouldn’t win- not even a poster- but I was really interested in seeing more pictures of the car. I was very crushed when I neither won nor was able to find anything out about the car.

You’d think that after all these years, I wouldn’t be disappointed when I fail to win a contest. But I am. One of the most disappointing was at Engadget.com. Instead of randomly drawing entries to determine a winner, they had a contest where you took a picture of your broke-down entertainment system. The most pathetic excuse for a home theater won a brand-spanking new home theater. I took my picture of my actual lame-o basement set up, titled "Daddy's 2×4 theater" and sent it in. I didn’t win.

In the Engadget case, I got to see the winner’s entry, but I waited and expected to see the winner send in a photo of the new stuff  once it was up and running. If I couldn’t win, at least I could live vicariously, ever-so-briefly, through their good fortune. And since they had the ability to send a picture in to enter the contest, it shouldn’t be too hard to send in an update.

But no.

In fact, it seems pretty near impossible to find any stories online of winners proudly displaying their loot. There are websites telling us poor schmucks how awful it is to win the lottery- showing the bad luck that has befallen lotto winners. But I can’t seem to find any sites sharing the goodness of a lucky win.

Why?

Especially in the case of contests where you have to send in an entry- how damn hard would it be to send in a thank you note later, maybe with a picture or two? People write reviews of products they buy, why not something you got for free? You’d think in all the thousands upon thousands of contests run year round, there would be somebody who would want to share.

This makes me wonder- is anyone really winning? I know most contests let you send off for a list of winners names. But that's just a name. I could get names out of a phone book.  I want to hear from the winner. I want a frickin’ testimonial about how great the prize they beat me out of is. Is that so much to ask? I’m not going to be mad at the winner. And I’m not asking them to post their address so some burglars can come clean them out. I just want something to pick me up out of the funk of losing.

Take Burn Notice’s annual contest. This great spy show on the USA network has given away 2 Saab convertibles now. You know, if I ever won a frickin’ car, I’d take a blue-million pictures of it. I’d pose the car to match scenes from the show. I’d do a whole virtual tour of the thing. Not to brag, but to share the fun of having won something.

Maybe it’s because I’m a giver. Literally. The only thing I have ever won in my life was an autographed basketball. It was at a charity event at Indiana University Southeast. I won a basketball signed by Bobby Knight and the whole IU coaching staff from that year. Ironically, I don’t like basketball.

That basketball sat in my closet, went with me all the way to Germany when I was stationed overseas. I didn’t display it or anything, I just liked keeping it around because it’s the only time I’ve ever won anything. But one day, I was talking with a friend of mine, and he was mentioning how he wished he could have bought one of the pieces of the IU basketball court when they redid it. Here was a diehard IU fan, who regularly wore IU logos, never missed a game, and absolutely loved the sport. He didn’t have a autographed basketball.

So I gave him mine.

Now, if I can give away the only damn thing I’ve ever won, can’t you ingrates that win prizes in online contests at least have the courtesy to share a word or two about your good luck? Can’t you help make the rest of us feel good for you, instead of moping that we lost, AGAIN?

I’m starting to think most of these contests are all a bunch of hooey. Like the guest questionnaires stores like Target and Home Depot put on the bottom of their receipts. Answer some questions and get entered in a chance to win a shopping spree. Yeah. Right. Show me someone who has actually won.

I’d give up at this point, but like any addiction, I can’t shake it. I just keep entering these stupid contests. And losing.

 
Susan Boyle: Fairy tales can come true…
Written by Ron McClure Jr.
Thursday, 16 April 2009 13:11
4 Comments

Sometimes, the unexpected happens. And often, when it does, it touches many people.

That is what happened to Susan Boyle in the U.K. when she auditioned for "Britain's Got Talent" (the British version of America's Got Talent). So many times we see "pretty" or "handsome" folks get the nod, as the average Joe (or Joann in this case) gets kicked to the curb. After seeing this video, I knew that I needed to share this with our readers.

Susan is an unemployed 47 year-old woman from Scotland. She is what some would call a "cat-woman" (being a single older woman that loves her kitty), but she packs a set of pipes that many would die for. Her audition for "Britain's Got Talent" has landed her a place in the hearts of millions across the globe. In an interview, Susan professed that she always "dreamed" of performing in front of a large audience. Her playful personality and strikingly "average" appearance have won over an audience of "average," and also "elite," people everywhere. Susan is sort of a modern-day "Cinderella," so to speak.

Just watch the video: click here (embedding has been disabled due to request), and you will agree — that Susan is a one-of-a-kind talent in a world of beauty and extravagance. I promise, you won't be dissatisfied.

Enjoy!

 
Kilroy Says: Amway? No Damn-way!
Written by Kilroy
Wednesday, 15 April 2009 12:44
18 Comments

What in the wide, wide world of sports is a “Ponzi scheme”? I’m glad you asked. No, Ponzi is not that cool guy from Happy Days. But, he is a greasy-haired goombah. He made millions off of ignorant folks with his infamous pyramid scheme in 1920, where he promised ridiculous returns by “supposedly” buying foreign postage vouchers (International reply coupons) at low rates and exchanging them for U.S. postage stamps for profit. Although legal, Ponzi’s problem was that he was just using new investors’ money to pay prior investors’ returns for their contributions. The scheme eventually crumbled (as all pyramid schemes do) and Charles Ponzi, like Bernie “Made-off,” ended up in prison. Good ridance!

So what does Amway have to do with this? One thing I’ve heard my whole life is that Amway is nothing but a pyramid scheme (check out the YouTube video). I thought that Amway had worn out its welcome, but lately, I’ve started seeing TV commercials recruiting people to “own their own business.” Really? How can they still swindle people into buying into this old economic hoax? I have no idea. After years of operating under the alias, “Quixtar North America,” they’ve decided to bring back the old name but with a new hook, “Amway Global.” Woooo! Don’t you want to be a partner in a “global” business? You can sign me up (Kilroy says: NOT).

I was so intrigued by this “new” marketing of an “old” scam, that I searched for and found Amway’s website, where I discovered this pithy little Amway verbiage: “Now, Quixtar North America is making a transition to the Amway Global™ brand to leverage the power of the $6.8-billion business Rich and Jay built” (Rich and Jay are the co-founders of Amway). Leverage? I’ve never heard any good stories about Amway. Most of the stories I’ve heard rival the ones of the Jehovah’s Witness door-to-door recruiting tactic. Why would ANYONE fall for this scam again? Is it the economy? Is economic crisis part of Amway’s latest ploy to lure stupid people into Amway's web of ignorance?

Again, I don’t know. But, if you want to own your own business, Amway is "there for you." All you have to do is sign a registration contract with an existing IBO, which either stands for “Independent Business Owner” or “Ignorant B.S. Operative” (I’m not sure), and you are ready to go. Yeah, [twirling finger in the air] sounds great… I could be my own boss, make my own rules…well, that is after I pay the Amway Global Business Services and Support fee of $50, the IBOAI Support fee of $9, and purchase their Product Intro Pack for a minuscule $78.75. That’s it folks. Just that…and, of course, the lack of guilt for pushing needless crap on your friends and family. They even encourage you to buy a lot of their products so that you “will gain knowledge” of what you’re selling. You know, so you’ll be a better salesperson (man, what philanthropists). If you are a real go-getter, you can even sign new victims…ahem…er, uh…PROSPECTS to sell Amway for you, and you will earn a small commission off what they buy– I mean, sell.

Americans are stupid, but are we this stupid? Must be. Amway is still in business, and they somehow can afford global TV marketing (probably not on Rich and Jay's good looks). As far as I’m concerned, the Amway founders and surrogates should be guests at the same bed-and-breakfast as Mr. Made-off and Mr. Ponzi. But, I guess it’s still not illegal to be a moron in this country. In fact, any good, stupid, mulish American (I don’t mean stubborn) can still run for office…and win, too. Jiminey Christmas! Amway is just the "answer" we need for our current economic crisis — a bunch of people going door-to-door peddling “wonder-pills,” and “make-up” to people that can’t pay their mortgages.

So, when your doorbell rings, and the Ponzi on the other side says, “I’m with Amway,” you say, “No Damn-way!” And tell them to, “Amscray!”