Years later, I am revising- nay, expanding- my opinion.

Hippies were Baby Boomers. Now, that doesn't mean that all Boomers were hippies. I know many so-called "Boomers" who were never hippies, nor did they ever want to be. In fact, I'll go so far as to say I have met some outstanding "Boomers" who worked hard, and live decent lives. But they seem to be a slim majority of the Jerkiatric generation.

What is a Jerkiatric? Well, that's someone in their fifties or older, who was too young to fight the Nazis, lived through the whole "free love" debacle of the 60s and either embraced the swinging, druggy culture, or secretly wanted to. And now they're senior citizens- and a blight on the ass of Uncle Sam.

You know the people I'm talking about- self-centered ***** that think the world revolves around them and that they're somehow entitled to whatever they want, merely because they're old. They're rude, and they look down on anyone who doesn't have gray hair. They think the rules don't apply to them. They smugly think that despite thousands of years of history before them, they know better. They're totally, hopelessly, self-centered.

When I was a kid, old people were respected, and commanded respect. Back then I didn't realize that any gray-haired person I saw had lived through the Depression, or the sacrifice imposed on Americans while the U.S. kicked Nazi Germany's ass. And I still respected them.

But the Greatest Generation begat a bunch of spoiled, whiney-ass, buttheads. The kind of jerks that draw my social security retirement money while they still "work". The ***holes that won't retire, and don't do any real work while on the clock.

Take the receptionist where I work. Spends all day long on the phone, making personal calls, instead of answering the phone or greeting visitors. Actually sits with her back to the lobby. Then gets huffy because none of the rest of us will stop working to do her damned job. And every wednesday? She leaves work 15 minutes early to get her hair re-colorized. And her generation complained about Ted Turner colorizing the classics.

Then there's the ******* who stepped in front of me in line at the grocery so he could buy his powerball ticket. Completely oblivious to those around him. Just itching to cash in my social security dollars on a chance at millions. Like he'll be around long enough to do anything with that money if he wins.

And what about the Jerkiatrics driving shiney new sports cars (bought with my Social Security no less) that park in handicapped spaces, then saunter into stores without even a damn cane. People, if you can walk unassisted, handicapped parking spaces are not for you.

Even more irritating are the Jerkiatrics that ride around on the electric shopping carts stores provide. Wheeled fatties, or maybe folks too lazy to walk. If you really needed that electric assist, how the hell did you get to the store without it? Why aren't you on a hoverround?

And let's not forget all the lecherous, old man-whores buying Cialis, and Viagra… I guarantee you neither of my grandfathers would ever have admitted to having a limp wiener, or complained to their doctors they couldn't service their battleaxes. What is with these wussy Jerkiatrics? What chemicals have they imbibed in that wrecked their Johnsons and enlarged their prostates?

Best of all though, the Jerkiatrics are obsessed with money. Take my own father. All I used to hear in the 80s was how little money he made. He made a pitiful $26,000 a year. Oh, woe is me! According to http://www.measuringworth.com 26,000 1985-dollars was the equivalent of $52,000 in 2008! That's more than I make now! And I have a wife and two kids and a mortgage. My Jerkiatric father was a single parent, renting an apartment and driving a company car. WTF did he spend all that money on?! Hookers? Drugs? Another family?

No wonder our Country is so screwed up. The Jerkiatrics voted in the likes of Jimmy Carter when they were just starting out, then Slick Willie and his wife. I'm fairly certain they also boosted Obama into the Whitehouse as well, and are now cheering on their spiritual leaders Nazi Pelosi and Granny Reid in Congress. They are so quick to demand more freebies from the government- failing to realize that the medicare they take away from the surviving Greatest Generation members won't be there for them in 10 or 20 years.

I'd at least have the consolation of dancing on all the Jerkiatric graves in another 10 or 20 years… except to support the swinging, entitlement lifestyle of the Jerkiatrics, I'll have to work until I'm about to be buried. I won't get those double-dipping, luxury years of idle singles-lifestyle so many of them enjoy today. Especially since they elect their socialist buddies into Office and our country is on the fast track to becoming a third world nation.

Damn Hippies.

All the fast-driving, parking space-stealing, zombie-walking, rude ****ers are really driving me over the edge.

Can someone explain to me why you idiots race through parking lots like Mario F***ing Andretti, then wander and block the aisles of the stores like crippled zombies on fly paper?

And what happened to holding doors open for people? Giving money to the Salvation Army Bell Ringers?

I have seen, one, ONE f***ing instance of people with some damned Christmas spirit. The folks at Chick Fil-A.

Yep, the kids (none of them appear to be out of high school) working our local Chick Fil-A are always peppy, friendly and polite. Unlike McDonald's, or even Dairy Queen, where "thank you" and "come again" are rarities, the Fil-A crew is always in a good mood. Year round.

That got me thinking.

Again, I am going to ask- why the hell can't you people have some civility around the holidays? Chick Fil-A has it year round. And they aren't the only ones. I've never been in a Chinese restaurant where I wasn't treated like the King of Siam. Why is it the Chinese and the Chicken-slingers can get it right, three-hundred-and-sixty-five-days a damn year, and the rest of you can't do it for one damn month? Or even the twelve days of Christmas?!

Clearly, you're a bunch of self-centered pricks. You're so worried about Christmas turning out the way you want, about you not having to park in the back forty at the store, etc. etc. that you vent your rage on those around you at precisely the time of year when you are supposed to behave with extra civility.

Have any of you dumbasses ever seen any of the twelve-plus "Christmas Carol" movies? They weren't an example of Christmas hauntings. It's the story of a sorry asshole who learns what Christmas is all about. Watch it. You'll learn something.

What a bunch of jerks. Too bad the Mexican Flu didn't sweep through the country and give people something to be grateful for (like surviving it) in its wake. Then we might actually have a wave of National Goodwill right about now.

I guess if I want any Christmas spirit outside of my home, I have to Eat More Chikin.

Take for instance, just a few moments ago. On the elevator. I'm in the basement at work, waiting for an elevator to haul my butt back upstairs. Oh, sure, I took the stairs down, but gravity was working with me. I wanted to laugh in the face of Global Warmers and make a big carbon footprint and ride the electric elevator back to my point of origin.

Ding! The doors opened, and there's like 6 damned people in the elevator. None of whom step out. These lazy bastards not only couldn't take the stairs, but they couldn't be bothered to wait for an elevator going up. No they had to all crowd into the elevator going down- leaving no room for me to ride it up. They couldn't wait a few minutes for the next elevator.

It's shit like that that drives me crazy.

You'd think that at this time of year- the Christmas season- people could behave better. I mean, we are supposed to be celebrating the fact we don't have to burn offerings, do nothing on the Sabbath or otherwise follow Jewish tradition to stay out of Hell. Jesus Christ was born to offer mankind an easy way to live forever.

But no.

Instead of being grateful and celebrating Jesus' bithday, everyone has to rush around, with no damn manners, caring only about themselves. They steal parking spaces. They crowd aisles in stores. They're jerks on the phone. You know, I realize that's how you people are year-round, but could you for one f*cking month behave civilized?

This is the season for "Goodwill to men". When we are supposed to be neighborly and nice and enjoy ourselves. People can do it at drunken New Year's Eve parties, so why not for the Christmas season?

I could see it if you didn't believe in Christ or Christmas. You know, if you didn't put lights on your house, or buy presents or otherwise celebrate the day. But when you do celebrate Christmas- even in your own, twisted, heathen way- why do you want it to be over so quick?

Why must people suck the holiday down, rushing around, as though they were gulping down breakfast on their way to work when running late?

Enjoy the holiday, you dumbasses. Take your time. Savor this time of year. Don't race through parking lots on your way to a discount. Don't stress. Just chill, and relax. Pretend you're a hippy or something.

Every year, the day after Christmas, my wife starts harping about taking down decorations. I counter that the Three Wisemen didn't travel across the frickin' world, throw some presents at Baby Jesus' feet and say "See ya later". No they stuck around, they celebrated. They weren't in any hurry to leave.

That same lesson should hold true for the whole month. Kids seem to grasp this simple concept. They love the whole christmas season. Every day of it. And since we all started out as kids, there's no reason why we can't continue that tradition.

So chew your holiday slower- it'll last longer.

Nope, Dr. Plait has now clearly demonstrated his card-carrying membership in the Melting Cult.

"One reason I haven't talked about it is because I think it's a non-issue. These files are not evidence of fraud."

Uh, Dr. Plait, if scientists lied and conspired to misrepresent data to push the Anthroprogenic Global Warming idea (or whatever they call it), then yes, that is Fraud;

"fraud is an intentional deception made for personal gain or to damage another individual" (Courtesy wikipedia)

"You need to ask: do these emails and other hacked files change the actual science, the actual conclusions drawn by those scientists?"

Uh, yes, if data was changed, then yes, it should alter findings. I mean, if there are records showing a decrease in global temperatures, and it was changed to show an increase, then yeah, that's pretty altering.

"Bottom line? Yawn. Get back to me when you have equally overwhelming evidence that global warming is not happening, or if it is it's not anthropogenic. Then we can talk."

Geez, that's like saying "when you have overwhelming evidence that Santa didn't bring presents on Christmas morning, get back to me."

See, that's what we have here- a Santa-like argument.

Presents do appear every Christmas morning. It's a fact- like the supposed rise in global temperatures the Melters preach. But are that Clausprogenic or Parentprogenic? If you decide to test this theory after getting your presents, how can you prove it either way? Dust for prints? Just declare the idea that Santa can't exist as proof enough?

Santa is a real person, by Christian standards. St. Nicholas was present at the Council of Nicea, and helped lay the foundation of the Church. His tomb is regularly visited by thousands, every year. He's the frickin' Patron Saint of Pawnbrokers. And, again from a Christian perspective, if he was a Saint, then he is enjoying eternal life, alongside Jesus right now. Maybe he lives in Heaven, maybe at the Northpole. Maybe Heaven is at the Northpole?

But how do we know that Santa brought those presents? How do we know our parents didn't bring those presents? It's far more likely that our parents, who had access to the Christmas tree and stockings, and who were home Christmas night, left the presents. But it's still a theory, either way.

Global Warmers claim that man is responsible for global warming. But how do they know that the sun isn't responsible? The sun has been around for billions of years (if you're a Darwinist- thousands, if you're a Creationist). SUVs have only been around for what, 20 years? If the sun were responsible for changes in temperature, there'd be like, a historic record of that. You know, in periods where there were no SUVs. Like when the Vikings lived in Greenland.

Sorry, Melters, but there's far more evidence that Santa brings presents on Christmas morning, than there is that mankind is responsible for the Earth warming.

Of course, you probably lie to your kids and tell them there's no Santa, too.

Not seeing much Global Warming "Climategate" on American TV, are we? You'd think hackers exposing a conspiracy by stealing private emails would at least be worth calls for the Hackers to be prosecuted. When ACORN got exposed they demanded that filmmaker be charged.

Wonder how this will affect the cash-for-clunkers credits. No sense paying dealers now that it's been exposed all those gas-guzzling SUVs weren't so bad afterall.

Carbon Footprints? Ha!

All you Melting Culters can kiss my methane-producing ass.

That's lame.

Do you people realize what veteran's go through when they join the military? Let me put it in very simple terms for you: it's indentured servitude, ie, slavery.

When you're in the military, you don't get to go wherever you want. You're the property of the military and you do what they say. hell, you can't even put your hands in your pockets, or go without a hat, outside (unless you're off duty, of course). You can't call in sick because you want to stay home and play a new video game or sneak out of work early to go catch some new movie.

Then there's that whole risking-your-life-to-protect-others thing. I mention it last, because many civilians live in a candy-coated fantasy world where they think they have the "Right" to do whatever they want wherever they want. Take this 24 year old mother and college graduate I work with. She didn't know that people can't leave China without the government's permission. Political Asylum was a foggy memory she didn't fully recall from high school.

Here's the fact, slackers. Without the military, and the sacrifices of veterans, both in blood, and personal liberties, you would all be calling each other "comrade", and working for the same money, or freezing to death while starving, in some Gulag in Alaska. The only thing that keeps other nations from coming in and taking whatever they want from your home is the armed men and women of your military.

Don't think we should be in Iraq or Afghanistan? Fine, you're entitled to your opinion, as uneducated and civilian as it is. But how about for one damn day of the year you put that aside and thank all the current military members and veterans you know for guaranteeing you the right to express that opinion?

We'd really appreciate it.

I'm not really sure which angers me more- my wife trying to buy Thanksgiving decorations, the lack of them in the stores, or the fact that the stores basically overlook Thanksgiving.

Don't get me wrong- the birth of Jesus is very important. We should celebrate it. A lot. But somehow, I don't think that the aisles and aisles of tacky decorations, self-illuminated trees and Christmas Barbies are all that religiously significant. More like a way to seperate greedy fools from their money.

Thanksgiving is the celebration of being thankful for what we have- not of what we can get. We're all told the story as children of the poor pilgrims who didn't plan for winter and the indians (or Native Americans, if you prefer) brought them food and basically kept their dumb asses alive. The Pilgrims are very thankful in this tale. And our tradition of gorging ourselves and inviting others to our home to do the same comes from this thankfulness.

So should we be running out to buy up a bunch of turkey decorations? No. We should be happy with what we have. Make do with what we have and be grateful we have even that. Does that mean the stores' lack of turkey stuff mean they grasp the make do with what you have philosophy? No, they just want to get a jump on the holiday sales. And in so doing, they've brainwashed our populace into buy, buy, buy on November 1st.

So when you're out, driving like an idiot in an effort to steal parking spaces, or shuffling along like the undead in the stores, Christmas list in one hand, coupons in the other, be thankful. Be thankful for something. The coupons, the fact you have money to spend, or maybe the fact you live in a country that allows you the freedom to act so foolishly.

A few weeks ago, Electronic Arts, as a promotional gimmick for a new video game, NEED FOR SPEED: Shift, announced a contest where you could win copies of the game and one lucky bastard could win a brand new 2010 BMW M3 car! All from commenting on Twitter.

Now, normally, I don't enter contests like this. Because I never win anything. But something made me enter this contest. A feeling like, "I can win". And sure enough, I did win- a free book bag embroidered with "Need for Speed" on day 4 of the contest, and a copy of the game on day 5. Two wins in a row!

And Day 6? Well, it was really odd… but I started seeing BMWs. Everywhere. I live in the midwest, and I don't normally pay attention to the cars around me- unless it's a monster truck, antique or something truly out of the ordinary. But on Day 6, I started noticing BMWs. 5 of them in the 20 minute drive to work.

On the way home, I noticed several more. I talked to my wife about it. She was convinced it was a good sign- maybe I had won the BMW. Three's a charm, afterall. That night, I checked Twitter- but there was no announcement as to who won the BMW.

For the next week, the pattern continued- I'd see BMWs wherever I went. On one scary occasion, I pulled into a Sam's Club parking space- right up to a BMW. Yet, each day, there was no annoucement for the winner. But by now I was convinced I could actually have won. I have to admit, I was pretty excited- especially given my previous track record of never winning.

After that week though, the thrilling idea that maybe I could finally have won something "big", had worn off. I began to consider exactly what would happen if I did win. For one, the car is too small. I'm 6′4″, have a wife, two kids and a dog. And the M3 is not a very big car. More of a two door sports coupe. Can you imagine trying to pack the family AND groceries into such a tiny car?

And what about licensing and registration? Insurance? Vehicle maintenance? The idea of winning the BMW became downright scary. I decided that when I won my BMW I'd have to give it up. Despite turning 42 this month, I'm not going through any mid-life crisis, so I don't need a fast sports car. And why should I tighten up the family budget and make my family suffer for a car we all couldn't ride in together? No, I decided the right thing to do would be to sell the car, and get something roomier than my current Toyota Camry. Like a minivan or something. With DVD players for the kids.

And that is precisely when I jinxed myself. Counting my chickens before they hatched. Dreaming about how much the kids would love having a roomy minivan to ride around in and watch DVDs in. All because the Spirit of BMW was stalking me.

But you know what? They still haven't announced the winner!

And I keep seeing BMWs! Without fail, every time I go out, no matter where I drive, I see BMWs. It's like the Sixth M3 Sense or something. "I see Beemers…."

I accept I haven't won the BMW. Really. Clearly, the winner has been notified and they are confirming their eligibility (age, no connection with EA, etc. etc). I'm not depressed or anything. I knew I could never win anything that big. But I did get a great game for free and have enjoyed playing it on my Xbox 360.

But why do I keep seeing Beemers?! Is fate taunting me that I didn't win? Can there be that many people in suburban southern Indiana all of a sudden driving BMWs?!

When will it end?

Can I enter a contest for another car? Will that make it stop? Because there is no way I could ever afford a BMW, and given their size and inherent expensiveness, I don't think I'd ever want one. Heck, if I won the lottery, I wouldn't want a Beemer- despite their perfect manufacturing, I'd opt for something more rugged, roomy and off-roady, like a big-ass SUV. A BMW is NOT a family car.

I'm starting to wonder if the whole M3 contest wasn't a precognitive warning of my impending death. Am I about to be run over by a BMW? Is my fate to cross the street and get slammed by some inattentive yuppie Christmas shopper?

Aw, Humbug…

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1224565/Random-attack-thugs-30-seconds-stranger-assaults-soar-binge-Britain.html#ixzz0Vjkwun38

I have a hard time believing EVERY 30 seconds… take, for example, the time period of 3:37:30 to 3:38:00. Does someone really get assaulted at this particular time, every day? Or what about 6:03:00 to 6:03:30… having lived in Europe, I can guarantee you that they are too busy rolling up the sidewalks and boarding up the windows to repel wolfmen and frankenstein monsters to do any assaulting.

Poppy cock.

Every 30 seconds indeed…

For that matter- do all victims have atomic watches? Does any Briton have an Atomic watch? Here in the U.S. Atomic Watches are updated from a radio signal in Kansas. I don't think the signal reackes the U.K.

How then do they know the precise time they were assaulted? Oh, sure, they might say, "I was walking down the street at 5;17 and 34 seconds, when suddenly this red-haired blighter with a cricket bat and red on his shirt whacked me in the head"… but really, do they know for sure that was the time?

Let's do some math… an attack EVERY 30 seconds means that two attacks are happening every minute. And 120 every hour. And 2,880 attacks every day. According to wikipedia, the U.K. has a populace of 59, 680,000. That means that every Briton is attacked once, every 56 years. Egads! With an average lifespan of 70-something, that means some Britons are being attacked more than once in their lifetimes! Didn't they learn anything the first time? Why can't they defend themselves?!

And who's doing the attacking? Those who were themselves attacked? Is this a viral attack-begets-attack situation? I knew the Brits went nuts at soccer games, but geeze…

And how many of the people being attacked are children? Infants? Britain sounds like a truly violent place…