Posts Tagged ‘economy’
Kilroy Says: Amway? No Damn-way!
Written by Kilroy
Wednesday, 15 April 2009 12:44
18 Comments

What in the wide, wide world of sports is a “Ponzi scheme”? I’m glad you asked. No, Ponzi is not that cool guy from Happy Days. But, he is a greasy-haired goombah. He made millions off of ignorant folks with his infamous pyramid scheme in 1920, where he promised ridiculous returns by “supposedly” buying foreign postage vouchers (International reply coupons) at low rates and exchanging them for U.S. postage stamps for profit. Although legal, Ponzi’s problem was that he was just using new investors’ money to pay prior investors’ returns for their contributions. The scheme eventually crumbled (as all pyramid schemes do) and Charles Ponzi, like Bernie “Made-off,” ended up in prison. Good ridance!

So what does Amway have to do with this? One thing I’ve heard my whole life is that Amway is nothing but a pyramid scheme (check out the YouTube video). I thought that Amway had worn out its welcome, but lately, I’ve started seeing TV commercials recruiting people to “own their own business.” Really? How can they still swindle people into buying into this old economic hoax? I have no idea. After years of operating under the alias, “Quixtar North America,” they’ve decided to bring back the old name but with a new hook, “Amway Global.” Woooo! Don’t you want to be a partner in a “global” business? You can sign me up (Kilroy says: NOT).

I was so intrigued by this “new” marketing of an “old” scam, that I searched for and found Amway’s website, where I discovered this pithy little Amway verbiage: “Now, Quixtar North America is making a transition to the Amway Global™ brand to leverage the power of the $6.8-billion business Rich and Jay built” (Rich and Jay are the co-founders of Amway). Leverage? I’ve never heard any good stories about Amway. Most of the stories I’ve heard rival the ones of the Jehovah’s Witness door-to-door recruiting tactic. Why would ANYONE fall for this scam again? Is it the economy? Is economic crisis part of Amway’s latest ploy to lure stupid people into Amway's web of ignorance?

Again, I don’t know. But, if you want to own your own business, Amway is "there for you." All you have to do is sign a registration contract with an existing IBO, which either stands for “Independent Business Owner” or “Ignorant B.S. Operative” (I’m not sure), and you are ready to go. Yeah, [twirling finger in the air] sounds great… I could be my own boss, make my own rules…well, that is after I pay the Amway Global Business Services and Support fee of $50, the IBOAI Support fee of $9, and purchase their Product Intro Pack for a minuscule $78.75. That’s it folks. Just that…and, of course, the lack of guilt for pushing needless crap on your friends and family. They even encourage you to buy a lot of their products so that you “will gain knowledge” of what you’re selling. You know, so you’ll be a better salesperson (man, what philanthropists). If you are a real go-getter, you can even sign new victims…ahem…er, uh…PROSPECTS to sell Amway for you, and you will earn a small commission off what they buy– I mean, sell.

Americans are stupid, but are we this stupid? Must be. Amway is still in business, and they somehow can afford global TV marketing (probably not on Rich and Jay's good looks). As far as I’m concerned, the Amway founders and surrogates should be guests at the same bed-and-breakfast as Mr. Made-off and Mr. Ponzi. But, I guess it’s still not illegal to be a moron in this country. In fact, any good, stupid, mulish American (I don’t mean stubborn) can still run for office…and win, too. Jiminey Christmas! Amway is just the "answer" we need for our current economic crisis — a bunch of people going door-to-door peddling “wonder-pills,” and “make-up” to people that can’t pay their mortgages.

So, when your doorbell rings, and the Ponzi on the other side says, “I’m with Amway,” you say, “No Damn-way!” And tell them to, “Amscray!”

 
Solving the Economic Crisis in One Easy Step
Written by Troglodad
Saturday, 21 February 2009 09:39
42 Comments

Okay, I keep seeing all these folks whining about solving the economic crisis. Like on the news, when someone dared to wonder why Chairman Maobama hadn't even formulated a plan yet for the bank recovery money.

Well, first off- lay off Baracknarock! Cmon people, you didn't hire him because he had experience or skills. You hired/elected him because he was black. Don't whine now that he can't do the job. That's like hiring a man with no hands to play the piano and complaining that you aren't hearing any music.

Secondly,  let's take a moment to analyze who is really suffering, economically, right now. A bunch of rich people pissing their money away on the stock markets?- failing to realize someone has to lose in order for them to win; ergo, not all investors will see gains? Or everyday folks who have to pay more for a loaf of bread, gallon of milk or cable TV?

Personally, I couldn't care less about the rich slackers who have so much money they can gamble it on stocks. Or who invested in Bernie Made-off and didn't know their money was missing until they saw it on the news. I'm more concerned about the poor schlubs losing their jobs because they get laid off.

Do folks get laid off because business is bad? Do you honestly think the number of shoppers dropped at Circuit City because their customer base took a beating on Wall Street? No, the layoffs are because the greedy corporations aren't making ENOUGH profit. Instead of being happy they are making a profit at all, the suits- who make obscene salaries for little to no work- are worried they won't be able to give out billions of dollars in bonuses. Rather than tighten their belts, they adopt a "let them eat cake" attitude and fire the minimum wage-earners in the companies. As if that is going to make a difference.

Here's the solution to the current economic "crisis": a maximum profit law. No more selling things for 1000x what it costs to make them. No more execs making 14 million dollar a year salaries while there are folks in their companies making minimum wage. I'm not calling for a communist "everybody-makes-the-same-pay" way of doing things. I'm talking about putting the same kinds of limits on businesses that loan sharks and pawn shops have- laws preventing obscene, over the top profits. If there can't be monopolies, why can there be such crazy salaries?

With less profits, items will be lower priced. That means everyday folks can buy more. And since the suits know they won't have the same gobs of cash to give themselves God-like salaries, they'll have to spread the wealth around.

That's right, I'm calling for the criminalization of greed. Just like we can't trust drunks not to drive home intoxicated, we can't leave these robber barons to follow their own internal, moral compasses. Because after years of unchecked excesses, they are lost in the wilderness.

 
Proof that government handouts work
Written by Chad Phillips
Thursday, 11 December 2008 15:59
4 Comments

This just in from the AP: "More than half of all homeowners who had their loans modified to make the payments more affordable in the first half of the year are already in default again." Imagine that. This is exactly what any normal well adjusted intelligent human being would expect. Yet, somehow Uncle Sugar never saw it coming. And that's not the worst of it. They plan on rewarding the attendant bad behavior of mortgage holders by giving away more of your money.

One article had the audacity to print this "The main goal of the program is to get financial institutions to lend money more freely again, which would help revive the economy." Yeah…that makes a lot of sense to me. Let's "lend" (wink wink, nod nod) more tax payer money to those who can't or won't pay that money back. I mean, it's working already isn't it?  This is insanity.

And now the Bush administration with the connivance of liberal democrats are poised to lend tax payer money to the auto industry. This is all under the auspices of saving jobs. Jobs for which employees are overpaid, CEO's are overpaid, and for a company infrastructure which has failed to remain competitive. I'm wondering, if the auto industry was ever going to get their act together, wouldn't they have done it already?  So why or how is another taxpayer funded handout going to get them to fix their broken machine now? Here, I'll make a little prediction: This loan isn't going to fix anything. It's just going to prolong certain death. Just as the $700 billion bailout isn't fixing anything, but only prolonging the inevitable. The reason none of this is going to work is because bad choices (behavior) is largely behind it all. The money won' t change the behavior that led lenders into the shape they were in. It won't change the behavior of irresponsible mortgage holders and it won't change the behavior of the fat cats running the auto industry. It will merely enable these people to continue behaving in ways which harm themselves and others.

But even if these spending policies worked. Is it right to give away someone else's money without their consent, especially, when that money is being used to enable the bad choices of others? I don't think so. I think what our "representatives" are doing is morally wrong and I am outraged. You should be too.

Still, our fearless leaders press onward seemingly oblivious to the fact that the house is coming down all around them. They remain deaf to the cries of a majority of Americans who are begging them to, "Please, for the love of God, STOP!" Their stealing from public coffers so they can sink their teeth into private enterprise won't save them or us. What it will do is make things worse by enabling mediocrity at taxpayer expense. Yes, it's sick; it's obscene; it's immoral…and what's worse is that, practically speaking, those of us who are paying the tab are powerless to stop it.

Editor's Note: I wish to thank, MTW contributor and resident photoonist, T.R. Oglodad for whipping up the liberal Fudd graphic which accompanies this commentary.