Posts Tagged ‘Entertainment’
KILROY SAYS… Don’t Let Your Kids Watch the Watchmen!
Written by Kilroy
Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:44
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EDITORIAL NOTE: This article contains graphic depictions which may not be suitable for all readers. View at your own risk.

A few months ago, a great movie came out at the theaters. An ADULT movie: WATCHMEN.

Now, when I say ADULT, I really do mean ADULT, since there are scenes depicting rape, sex, orgasms and a fair share of genitalia and nudity.

See? Just because a movie has superheroes in it, doesn't mean it's suitable for children.

Watchmen, written by Alan Moore, was originally an anti-comic book that turned the whole concept of costumed superheroes upside down. But it was for comic book fans that had grown up, not little kids.

In the wake of success from so many blockbuster superhero movies, Hollywood, of course, snagged Watchmen- based solely in its popularity. What they failed to take into account, was that popularity was limited to comic book readers who had grown up. So they made this movie that puts a very "realistic" spin on the fantasy costumed characters.

Take Dr. Manhattan,  for example.  He's this blue guy who can control all the matter and energy around him. If that weren't enough, he can see into the future, move objects with his mind, and be in two or more places at once. Basically, he's a "god" in the film–a being so powerful he is barely human. To emphasize this, he walks around nude, his blue genitalia swinging in the breeze, as he sees no need for clothing.

I don't know about you, but I don't think my kids need to see glowing blue penises.

Then there the sex scene where Dr. Manhattan is getting it on with his very human lover. She is surprised and horrified when she finds herself being serviced by two Dr. Manhattans. Meanwhile, a third works in the lab. Okay, maybe the scene isn't worthy of an X-Rating, but do you really want to explain to your kids what the O-face is all about?

In case I still haven't convinced you, there's the flying sex scene. The character Night Owl has this flying batmobile-like craft. He and Dr. Manhattan's gal (having left old blue because of his inhumanity) decide to get it on after a thrilling night of brutally, beating the crap out of some thugs. First, we get to see them get it off, as they strip off their costumes. They then proceed to wrap legs around each other and push the boundaries of R-rated sex scenes. Again, not the image a child should have of costumed superheroes.

Of course, my favorite (or is that least-favorite?) scene is a flashback showing a superhero raping his teammate at a reunion. They're in this back room when he forces her over a pool table. No naughty bits are shown, but the movie is brutally honest in showing what is going on. There is no doubt in the adult viewer's mind what's happening in this scene.

Kids, on the other hand, would probably have a few questions.

Is Watchmen a good movie? Why, yes, even with all its debauchery, it is…for those of use over 18.

 
THOR’S DAY RANT: Transformers 2…much!
Written by Troglodad
Thursday, 02 July 2009 22:00
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Hollywood has got some balls.

I know, because myself, and my children, spent two hours looking at them.

I'm not speaking metaphorically here. I'm talking about actual testes, in robot form, proudly displayed and talked about throughout the entire Transformers sequel. A sequel billed and advertised — for example with Happy Meals and toys — as a kids' movie.

I really shouldn't be surprised. The first Transformers movie has a whole bit about the mom asking Shia Lebeouf's character if he was masturbating. I have to fast forward past that crap every time the kids want to watch the movie.

But, like in "Something About Mary" before it, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen", has raised (or maybe that's lowered) the bar.

There's the scene of a chihuahua humping on a bulldog — showing he's dominant, har-de-har-har.

There's the Decepticon that turns good and falls in love with Megan Fox's character — as exhibited by grabbing her leg and humping on it, complete with little servo-sounds and the full visual monstrosity of a bipedal, dog-sized robot going at it.

There's the Decepticon made from various construction equipment, including a crane. When one character is beneath the robot, trying to call in an airstrike, he looks up and sees two wrecking balls, dangling together, under the Decepticon's groin. "I'm right under the scrotum," he reports via radio.

There's the little appliance Decepticon whose groin sprouts a massive cannon he uses to wage war in the main character's kitchen — no doubt a tribute to Tom Savini's crotch-gun from "From Dusk til Dawn".

But wait, aside from the testicular fortitude the filmmakers had in all this groinal talk, they also managed to throw in even more terrible things. Like the ghetto-talking Twins — Autobots emulating TV rapper wannabes. One even has a gold tooth. I'm not black, but I was thoroughly offended by this jive crap.

Then there's the brownies the main character's mother buys when he goes off to college. They come in a bag with a pot leaf on the front — that she mistakes for some other plant. C'mon. Is there really ANYONE in the United States over 15 that doesn't know what a marijuana leaf looks like? That joke might have been funny in the 1980s, but I think our population is pretty well educated about drugs these days. And of course, once she eats the brownies, clueless mom then gets as high as Lindsay Lohan on a Friday night — going so far as to tackle some college student and take his frisbee.

And of course, my favorite cover-your-kids'-eyes moment: Shia Labeouf's character meets some hot chick in college who becomes very aggressive — straddling him like a stripper straight out of a Quentin Tarantino movie, while trying to talk seductively.

There are times when grown up situations are appropriate for movies. Bare breasts, for example, are expected in any slasher movie featuring teenagers being hunted by lone psycopaths. And I'd expect testicle jokes in any R Rated comedy — but Transformers?

Maybe the film was made for 13 year old boys. Maybe the marketing department missed that memo and pushed on with dreams of another Jurassic Park merchandising bonanza. But as a parent, I'd have liked a frickin' warning! I expected violence. And my kids know it's make believe. But the sex talk and balls-in-your-face humor is too much.

What will the next Transformer's movie have? A romance between a gay Autobot and Decepticon? Shia Labeouf's character graduating college and taking up a career in the porn industry?

Hollyweird needs to draw a line, build a brick wall on it, and not cross it. Keep the testicles in your pants, and off the screen, please.

 
Kilroy Says: Don’t Forget Billy!
Written by Kilroy
Wednesday, 01 July 2009 17:44
6 Comments

As it so often seems to be the case, multiple celebrities have passed away this past week. But what is really unfortunate is that everyone seems to be concentrating on a moonwalking, face-lifted weirdo from Indiana, rather than a real American hero.

I'm talking about Billy Mays.

I know that Billy couldn't sing. He never moonwalked, or tried to buy the elephant man's bones. I don't think he ever had a pet monkey. He probably did sleep with children — his own no doubt, to comfort them during storms and things. When he wasn't on the road working to support his family.

Billy also was never married to the Six Million Dollar Man, nor Ryan Oneal. He did allow cameras into his private life though — in the form of his show "Pitchmen" on the Discovery Channel (which is having a marathon of Billy today).

Through "Pitchmen," Americans got to see a different side of Billy Mays — more than just two-minute direct sales commercials, or half-hour infomercials. We got to see that behind all those cool products, that he really did stand behind, was a hard-working guy.

I'm sure that Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and even Ed McMahon were hardworking. And who wouldn't have loved for Ed McMahon to bring a giant check of free money to their door? But Billy Mays was different. He was a regular Joe like the rest of us. Sure, he drove a Mercedes and lived in a big house in Florida, but the guy worked his ass off to get there.

On one particular episode of "Pitchmen," Billy even got choked up talking about how he had missed a lot of his family life in his first marriage, precisely because he was out on the road, working hard. How many times did we see Ed McMahon or Michael Jackson cry because work kept them from something they loved?

People might laugh at all the "As-Seen-On-TV" stuff Billy Mays hawked. But have you used any of his products? "Pitchmen" revealed that both he and partner Anthony Sullivan are adamant that the products they represent really work. And who can deny the effectiveness of Orange Glow, Oxy Clean or Mighty Putty? Billy Mays might not have invented those products, but he put his personal stamp of approval on them, guaranteeing they worked, and were fairly priced.

Billy Mays commercials will still air for awhile. We'll still see his face on all those great products in the stores, for awhile. Even his show will linger in reruns, for awhile. But eventually, Bill will be consigned to the history books. Which is a darn shame.

Billy Mays never got accused of molesting children, or using drugs. I can't recall a single story of him going on mad, million-dollar spending sprees, or having to file bankruptcy and sell his overly-priced estate.

We should remember Billy Mays because he was a regular Joe, who worked hard, lived as best he could, and achieved the American Dream, bringing joy (and cool products) to millions. If that's not a hero worth remembering, I don't know what is.