Posts Tagged ‘Hollywood’
KILROY SAYS… Don’t Let Your Kids Watch the Watchmen!
Written by Kilroy
Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:44
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EDITORIAL NOTE: This article contains graphic depictions which may not be suitable for all readers. View at your own risk.

A few months ago, a great movie came out at the theaters. An ADULT movie: WATCHMEN.

Now, when I say ADULT, I really do mean ADULT, since there are scenes depicting rape, sex, orgasms and a fair share of genitalia and nudity.

See? Just because a movie has superheroes in it, doesn't mean it's suitable for children.

Watchmen, written by Alan Moore, was originally an anti-comic book that turned the whole concept of costumed superheroes upside down. But it was for comic book fans that had grown up, not little kids.

In the wake of success from so many blockbuster superhero movies, Hollywood, of course, snagged Watchmen- based solely in its popularity. What they failed to take into account, was that popularity was limited to comic book readers who had grown up. So they made this movie that puts a very "realistic" spin on the fantasy costumed characters.

Take Dr. Manhattan,  for example.  He's this blue guy who can control all the matter and energy around him. If that weren't enough, he can see into the future, move objects with his mind, and be in two or more places at once. Basically, he's a "god" in the film–a being so powerful he is barely human. To emphasize this, he walks around nude, his blue genitalia swinging in the breeze, as he sees no need for clothing.

I don't know about you, but I don't think my kids need to see glowing blue penises.

Then there the sex scene where Dr. Manhattan is getting it on with his very human lover. She is surprised and horrified when she finds herself being serviced by two Dr. Manhattans. Meanwhile, a third works in the lab. Okay, maybe the scene isn't worthy of an X-Rating, but do you really want to explain to your kids what the O-face is all about?

In case I still haven't convinced you, there's the flying sex scene. The character Night Owl has this flying batmobile-like craft. He and Dr. Manhattan's gal (having left old blue because of his inhumanity) decide to get it on after a thrilling night of brutally, beating the crap out of some thugs. First, we get to see them get it off, as they strip off their costumes. They then proceed to wrap legs around each other and push the boundaries of R-rated sex scenes. Again, not the image a child should have of costumed superheroes.

Of course, my favorite (or is that least-favorite?) scene is a flashback showing a superhero raping his teammate at a reunion. They're in this back room when he forces her over a pool table. No naughty bits are shown, but the movie is brutally honest in showing what is going on. There is no doubt in the adult viewer's mind what's happening in this scene.

Kids, on the other hand, would probably have a few questions.

Is Watchmen a good movie? Why, yes, even with all its debauchery, it is…for those of use over 18.

 
THOR’S DAY RANT: Transformers 2…much!
Written by Troglodad
Thursday, 02 July 2009 22:00
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Hollywood has got some balls.

I know, because myself, and my children, spent two hours looking at them.

I'm not speaking metaphorically here. I'm talking about actual testes, in robot form, proudly displayed and talked about throughout the entire Transformers sequel. A sequel billed and advertised — for example with Happy Meals and toys — as a kids' movie.

I really shouldn't be surprised. The first Transformers movie has a whole bit about the mom asking Shia Lebeouf's character if he was masturbating. I have to fast forward past that crap every time the kids want to watch the movie.

But, like in "Something About Mary" before it, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen", has raised (or maybe that's lowered) the bar.

There's the scene of a chihuahua humping on a bulldog — showing he's dominant, har-de-har-har.

There's the Decepticon that turns good and falls in love with Megan Fox's character — as exhibited by grabbing her leg and humping on it, complete with little servo-sounds and the full visual monstrosity of a bipedal, dog-sized robot going at it.

There's the Decepticon made from various construction equipment, including a crane. When one character is beneath the robot, trying to call in an airstrike, he looks up and sees two wrecking balls, dangling together, under the Decepticon's groin. "I'm right under the scrotum," he reports via radio.

There's the little appliance Decepticon whose groin sprouts a massive cannon he uses to wage war in the main character's kitchen — no doubt a tribute to Tom Savini's crotch-gun from "From Dusk til Dawn".

But wait, aside from the testicular fortitude the filmmakers had in all this groinal talk, they also managed to throw in even more terrible things. Like the ghetto-talking Twins — Autobots emulating TV rapper wannabes. One even has a gold tooth. I'm not black, but I was thoroughly offended by this jive crap.

Then there's the brownies the main character's mother buys when he goes off to college. They come in a bag with a pot leaf on the front — that she mistakes for some other plant. C'mon. Is there really ANYONE in the United States over 15 that doesn't know what a marijuana leaf looks like? That joke might have been funny in the 1980s, but I think our population is pretty well educated about drugs these days. And of course, once she eats the brownies, clueless mom then gets as high as Lindsay Lohan on a Friday night — going so far as to tackle some college student and take his frisbee.

And of course, my favorite cover-your-kids'-eyes moment: Shia Labeouf's character meets some hot chick in college who becomes very aggressive — straddling him like a stripper straight out of a Quentin Tarantino movie, while trying to talk seductively.

There are times when grown up situations are appropriate for movies. Bare breasts, for example, are expected in any slasher movie featuring teenagers being hunted by lone psycopaths. And I'd expect testicle jokes in any R Rated comedy — but Transformers?

Maybe the film was made for 13 year old boys. Maybe the marketing department missed that memo and pushed on with dreams of another Jurassic Park merchandising bonanza. But as a parent, I'd have liked a frickin' warning! I expected violence. And my kids know it's make believe. But the sex talk and balls-in-your-face humor is too much.

What will the next Transformer's movie have? A romance between a gay Autobot and Decepticon? Shia Labeouf's character graduating college and taking up a career in the porn industry?

Hollyweird needs to draw a line, build a brick wall on it, and not cross it. Keep the testicles in your pants, and off the screen, please.

 
Why children should avoid strange talking cars
Written by Troglodad
Thursday, 21 February 2008 03:43
1 Comment

A Review of Knight Rider-2008

Well, if it weren't bad enough that we have to warn our children to avoid strangers, now we have to make sure they aren’t going to watch NBC's latest offering of "Knight Rider."

Yep, the classic cheese of a talking, black Trans Am piloted by pre-lifeguard David Hasselhof has been remade for a new century…as a Ford Mustang.

While I wasn't very impressed with Knight Rider in my youth, I did watch the show every week. It was sci-fi and there just wasn't that much else on TV back then. By today's standards, with 100-plus satellite channels and my Xbox 360, I have a lot better to do with my time…except I do loves me some TV cheese.

So there I was, Sunday night, February 17, 2008, watching the pilot for the new Knight Rider series on NBC with my eight year old daughter.

I should have known better.

Okay, NBC made the series a sequel, and not a "reimagining," like the gender-bending Battlestar Galactica on Scifi Channel. (Yes, I'm still mad about Starbuck being a chick) That's a good start.

And KITT is now the Knight Industries 3000- an upgrade from the previous 2000 model (and yes, it seems this is indeed a new KITT). I got no problem with that.

Michael Knight? Well, the Hoff makes a cameo appearance at the end of the episode, and (SPOILER WARNING) the new driver, "Michael Traceur," is apparently the illegitimate offspring of Knight and, is himself, an ex-Army Ranger. Now we're gettin’ cheesy. But cheese is good; you can't make nachos without it.

And KITT? He's now voiced by Val Kilmer! The Iceman doesn't bother me at all. William Daniels shouldn't have to look to hard for work "Elsewhere," and he was getting a little old. And it was Michael Keaton who declared "I'm Batman!" not Val. I am curious as to why Kilmer's casting was kept"Top Secret" for so long, though. Maybe the Hoff didn't like being upstaged by a bigger actor than himself and tried to put some HEAT on the producers. The Hoff hasn't been a Saint lately. I'm sure he wouldn't be above that.

So far so good. Until we got to the scene where Michael Traceur's roommate/obligatory pencil-necked geek finds him in bed with two hot chicks (Seriously, one is actually credited as "Hot Girl" in the credits. Got to www.imdb.com if ya don't believe me).

Alright, the Hoff's Knight was indeed a man whore- but it was implied. I don’t recall him ever rolling out of bed with some tart like a wannabe James Bond. And speaking of 007 I don't let my 8 year old watch Bond movies either. I just don't think sex is a topic a child needs to be seeing or discussing in any form.

If that weren't bad enough, we also get to meet sweaty FBI agent Rivai jogging on the beach. She then has a quick scene where she rinses off her body- obviously meant for 13 year old boys who get excited at the sight of even scantily clad girls. But worse, Rivai goes inside and we get to see she's also a whore; her one night stand is still in bed, clearly "nekkid" (but partially covered by sheets) and comments about wanting breakfast. And she's a hot blonde. Not Rivai- her "date." Yes, NBC has once again worked homosexuality/lesbianism (whatever) into a show. Maybe they'll rename the show "KITT and Grace"?

In checking a fansite, I saw a lot of debate on the whole lezbo/manwhore issue. Several dedicated fans pointed out the show did have a rating, indicating sexual content. But really, who reads that? I don't get the paper or TV Guide. I saw commercials, had the wife set up the DVR to record the show, then watched about 15 minutes behind the real time broadcast.

And thank goodness I did. In this modern day and age, DVRs are a parent's best friend. When homos, sex or other TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE matter surfaces in a show, you can just skip ahead, like with DVDs. No need to corrupt your impressionable child(ren) with perversion.

And that's another point the fans make: Why should children be sheltered? Those who say such things are pedophiles themselves, or they don’t have kids. Every parent knows if it isn't something shown on Nickelodean or the Disney Channel, it IS NOT child appropriate!

But how about the quality of the show aside from NBCs modus operandi of injecting sex?

Well, aside from those with a severe case of nostalgia going on, it’s pretty much crap. Cheesy lines, transparent plots, fair acting and some really lame CGI. A perfect show to watch with your kids- minus the sex stuff.

Oh, and if I’m going to blast NBC for the sex, I guess I should congratulate them for toning down the violence. In particular, a motel clerk gets murdered in cold blood, but it all happens between scenes. Kids won't actually see any shots being fired or brains splattering. And when a female character is later killed, the squib on her chest is very minimal. No John Wooish explosions of blood and gore when she's hit by a bullet. She dies slowly, with only a little blood.

So there it is, a show only a kid- be they young or old would like, that has NBCs trademark: completely unnecessary sex and homosexuality injected to draw a rainbow audience.

And there is indeed something wrong with that.