Posts Tagged ‘I’m with stupid’
Excuse me, would you stop hating us, please? Thanks!
Written by Ron McClure Jr.
Friday, 24 April 2009 20:04
18 Comments

I was watching the news this morning, like I do everyday. And, I caught General David Petraeus as he addressed a House appropriations subcommittee — voicing his concern about recent insurgent “homicide” bombings in Iraq. Gen. Patraeus warned that the progress in Iraq is still “fragile and reversible.” Then, in the background, I saw something a bit peculiar. A small sign rose from the small crowd of spectators, just over the general’s right shoulder. It said “FUND DIPLOMACY, NOT WAR.” Is it sinful to want to punch a stranger in the mouth? Forgive me, Lord.

Why are there so many people that want us to be a weak, pansy-France country that is just asking to be attacked? I don’t get it, what’s the purpose of being “liked” by spineless countries, when terrorist groups pose the greatest threat to our peace? I doubt that Al Qaeda is shaking in their boots because they saw Obama kissing Hugo Chavez square on the keister. They’re probably laughing at us.

Then you have this crap about “waterboarding.” There are actually some folks that still think that it was wrong that we waterboarded Khalid Shaikh Mohammed (9/11 mastermind). Of course, we were able to get information that thwarted future attacks and saved American lives. But, apparently to some people, waterboarding is “torture.” Do you think having your fingers cut off, being electrocuted, having your legs broken, and having water "poured in your face" are all equally, torture? Give me a break. If waterboarding is so “cruel” and despicable, then why do we use it on our own soldiers like Colonel Oliver North? He was routinely waterboarded in military training, and you don’t see him suing the government, do you?

I want my country back. I like the idea that the world fears the wrath of the United States. What’s wrong with that? Do these idiot libtards really think that our enemies will say, “well, we were going to implement a terrorist attack on America, but now that they have become so ‘nice,’ we just can’t follow through with it. LIFE TO AMERICA!” Come on, really? I can’t even fathom what goes on in the anti-war hippie's mind. I know what doesn’t, though — rational thought, reasoning and logic.

“Fund Diplomacy Not War.” What does that mean, anyway? When you were in school, did you know any bullies? How many blokes made peace by walking up to the bully and saying, “excuse me Mr. Bully, but can we just talk this out?” None. Bullies are bullies by definition. They want what they want and have no concern for the people in their way.

So, I suggest we gather up all of the anti-war hippies and send them over to the Middle East, armed with BFF necklaces and copies of “We Are the World.” Then, we would really witness the power of diplomacy.

 
Kilroy Says: Amway? No Damn-way!
Written by Kilroy
Wednesday, 15 April 2009 12:44
18 Comments

What in the wide, wide world of sports is a “Ponzi scheme”? I’m glad you asked. No, Ponzi is not that cool guy from Happy Days. But, he is a greasy-haired goombah. He made millions off of ignorant folks with his infamous pyramid scheme in 1920, where he promised ridiculous returns by “supposedly” buying foreign postage vouchers (International reply coupons) at low rates and exchanging them for U.S. postage stamps for profit. Although legal, Ponzi’s problem was that he was just using new investors’ money to pay prior investors’ returns for their contributions. The scheme eventually crumbled (as all pyramid schemes do) and Charles Ponzi, like Bernie “Made-off,” ended up in prison. Good ridance!

So what does Amway have to do with this? One thing I’ve heard my whole life is that Amway is nothing but a pyramid scheme (check out the YouTube video). I thought that Amway had worn out its welcome, but lately, I’ve started seeing TV commercials recruiting people to “own their own business.” Really? How can they still swindle people into buying into this old economic hoax? I have no idea. After years of operating under the alias, “Quixtar North America,” they’ve decided to bring back the old name but with a new hook, “Amway Global.” Woooo! Don’t you want to be a partner in a “global” business? You can sign me up (Kilroy says: NOT).

I was so intrigued by this “new” marketing of an “old” scam, that I searched for and found Amway’s website, where I discovered this pithy little Amway verbiage: “Now, Quixtar North America is making a transition to the Amway Global™ brand to leverage the power of the $6.8-billion business Rich and Jay built” (Rich and Jay are the co-founders of Amway). Leverage? I’ve never heard any good stories about Amway. Most of the stories I’ve heard rival the ones of the Jehovah’s Witness door-to-door recruiting tactic. Why would ANYONE fall for this scam again? Is it the economy? Is economic crisis part of Amway’s latest ploy to lure stupid people into Amway's web of ignorance?

Again, I don’t know. But, if you want to own your own business, Amway is "there for you." All you have to do is sign a registration contract with an existing IBO, which either stands for “Independent Business Owner” or “Ignorant B.S. Operative” (I’m not sure), and you are ready to go. Yeah, [twirling finger in the air] sounds great… I could be my own boss, make my own rules…well, that is after I pay the Amway Global Business Services and Support fee of $50, the IBOAI Support fee of $9, and purchase their Product Intro Pack for a minuscule $78.75. That’s it folks. Just that…and, of course, the lack of guilt for pushing needless crap on your friends and family. They even encourage you to buy a lot of their products so that you “will gain knowledge” of what you’re selling. You know, so you’ll be a better salesperson (man, what philanthropists). If you are a real go-getter, you can even sign new victims…ahem…er, uh…PROSPECTS to sell Amway for you, and you will earn a small commission off what they buy– I mean, sell.

Americans are stupid, but are we this stupid? Must be. Amway is still in business, and they somehow can afford global TV marketing (probably not on Rich and Jay's good looks). As far as I’m concerned, the Amway founders and surrogates should be guests at the same bed-and-breakfast as Mr. Made-off and Mr. Ponzi. But, I guess it’s still not illegal to be a moron in this country. In fact, any good, stupid, mulish American (I don’t mean stubborn) can still run for office…and win, too. Jiminey Christmas! Amway is just the "answer" we need for our current economic crisis — a bunch of people going door-to-door peddling “wonder-pills,” and “make-up” to people that can’t pay their mortgages.

So, when your doorbell rings, and the Ponzi on the other side says, “I’m with Amway,” you say, “No Damn-way!” And tell them to, “Amscray!”

 
WMD’s found in Iraq
Written by Chad Phillips
Tuesday, 31 March 2009 06:15
21 Comments

Liberwocks continue to labor under an old but effective fiction: that there were no WMD’s in Iraq. The fact that political mythology of this kind is still believed by so many is the reason for this post.

A while ago I was blogging at another site when a liberal cosmonaut wandered in and left this witless comment.

“Bush killed many innocent and young soldiers when he said there was a need to fight in Iraq and Iran. The truth is both these countries never had nuclear weapons of any kind to be of any threat to any country including USA. He should be tried for failing Americans but he got away scott-free.”

The comment is especially entertaining, because it carries with it the message neoliberals wanted everyone to get. You see, they never came out and said there weren’t any WMD’s—just that none had been found. The implication was that since no weapons were found, there never were any to begin with. Makes perfect sense…if you’re a liberal. Anyway, the poor dunce who commented on my post just went ahead and stated “aloud” what the libtard powers that be wanted everyone to think. So, of course, I felt it my solemn duty to confuse him with the facts.

FACT: In June of 2006 the National Ground Intelligence Center, a Defense Department intelligence unit, released portions of a declassified report which stated unequivocally that "Since 2003, coalition forces have recovered approximately 500 weapons munitions which contain degraded mustard or sarin nerve agent."

FACT: In a January 2008 report on 60 minutes, top CIA operative George Piro revealed that Saddam Hussein had phased out his biological weapons program since the 90s but was willing to go to war with the U.S., because he needed to continue the illusion that he had an active WMD program, as a hedge against his arch enemy, Iran. He apparently had no idea that the U.S. was planning such an exhaustive offensive, or he would’ve reconsidered that strategy.

FACT: Saddam was planning on restarting his program on every level (nuclear and biological), approximately one year after U.N. sanctions were lifted. This explains why he was actively approaching North Africa for the procurement of yellow cake. This also explains why 550 metric tons of the stuff was removed from Iraq in 2008 courtesy of the United States of America.

What does it all mean? Well…it means that we can dispense with Bush bashing over the “no WMDs” hoax. There are plenty of other things to be pissed off about concerning Bush Jr, but his grounds for invasion ain't one of 'em. We can also dispense with the whole, “Bush should be tried for war crimes” BS as well. Long before Bush Jr was going to war, the same liberals who decried it, were agreeing with the intel and saying, "we have no choice but to take Hussein out." Well, I'll bet you won’t read that in The New York Times, will you?