Posts Tagged ‘Movies’
IRON MAN 2
Written by Troglodad
Monday, 10 May 2010 12:49
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If you haven't seen Iron Man 2 yet, I'm here to tell you- you're missing an awesome flick.

To be fair, let me begin with revealing I'm an Iron Man fanboy from way back. I still have my comics from 1980s. Tony Stark wasn't my favorite hero, but I enjoyed the comics enough that when I thinned out the herd, Ironman was one of a few titles I couldn't bear to part with.

I loved the first Iron Man movie- despite the fact I generally despise origin movies, as they take away valuable ass-kicking time and replace it with talking, drama and the like as the reluctant hero comes to grips with their new powers. Still, Jon Favreau totally gets what a comic book is. Watching Iron Man was no different from reading a comic. Not too much yakkity yak, enough action to keep you watching. It was a brilliant movie. Except for Tony Stark's "sleepover" with a certain leggy, blond reporter. That was a bit much for my kids to see.

Iron Man 2 is way better. First off, no visualizations of adultery. Sure, there were Iron girls in skimpy outfits at the Stark Expo. Yes, the Black Widow changes her clothes in the back of car, revealing black (what else) bra. But no missing pants, no groping. Hopefully, I've shielded (pun intended) my kids enough that Tony Stark's little jokes were over their head and they see him more as a drunken philanthropist than degenerate philanderer.

So, dad-approved, kid-safe.

But how is the movie?

It's not shakespeare in a tin can. You aren't going to get long, Quentin Tarantino-esque dialogues. This isn't a movie about interpersonal relationships. It's a movie about guys in armored exoskeletons kicking ass. And it delivers!

Oh, sure, they could have squeezed in a bit more action. Hard Boiled (1992) shows that a movie can have almost nothing but action. But Iron Man 2 delivers so much iron-clad, repulsor-blasting ass whuppery no one should be disapointed.

Iron Man has more than one suit of armor. His lab is straight out of the comic book- complete with older armors hanging in the background. Happy finally gets to do some fighting, instead of standing quietly in the background like an Alfred Hitchcock cameo. But best of all, War Machine shows us what the Iron Man technology could really do in the right hands.

Seriously, anybody who likes the first Iron Man better must not like action movies. Or is a perve. Iron Man 2 is so incredible. I can't wait for Iron Man 3 to be in the can!

'Nuff Said!

 
KILROY SAYS… Don’t Let Your Kids Watch the Watchmen!
Written by Kilroy
Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:44
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EDITORIAL NOTE: This article contains graphic depictions which may not be suitable for all readers. View at your own risk.

A few months ago, a great movie came out at the theaters. An ADULT movie: WATCHMEN.

Now, when I say ADULT, I really do mean ADULT, since there are scenes depicting rape, sex, orgasms and a fair share of genitalia and nudity.

See? Just because a movie has superheroes in it, doesn't mean it's suitable for children.

Watchmen, written by Alan Moore, was originally an anti-comic book that turned the whole concept of costumed superheroes upside down. But it was for comic book fans that had grown up, not little kids.

In the wake of success from so many blockbuster superhero movies, Hollywood, of course, snagged Watchmen- based solely in its popularity. What they failed to take into account, was that popularity was limited to comic book readers who had grown up. So they made this movie that puts a very "realistic" spin on the fantasy costumed characters.

Take Dr. Manhattan,  for example.  He's this blue guy who can control all the matter and energy around him. If that weren't enough, he can see into the future, move objects with his mind, and be in two or more places at once. Basically, he's a "god" in the film–a being so powerful he is barely human. To emphasize this, he walks around nude, his blue genitalia swinging in the breeze, as he sees no need for clothing.

I don't know about you, but I don't think my kids need to see glowing blue penises.

Then there the sex scene where Dr. Manhattan is getting it on with his very human lover. She is surprised and horrified when she finds herself being serviced by two Dr. Manhattans. Meanwhile, a third works in the lab. Okay, maybe the scene isn't worthy of an X-Rating, but do you really want to explain to your kids what the O-face is all about?

In case I still haven't convinced you, there's the flying sex scene. The character Night Owl has this flying batmobile-like craft. He and Dr. Manhattan's gal (having left old blue because of his inhumanity) decide to get it on after a thrilling night of brutally, beating the crap out of some thugs. First, we get to see them get it off, as they strip off their costumes. They then proceed to wrap legs around each other and push the boundaries of R-rated sex scenes. Again, not the image a child should have of costumed superheroes.

Of course, my favorite (or is that least-favorite?) scene is a flashback showing a superhero raping his teammate at a reunion. They're in this back room when he forces her over a pool table. No naughty bits are shown, but the movie is brutally honest in showing what is going on. There is no doubt in the adult viewer's mind what's happening in this scene.

Kids, on the other hand, would probably have a few questions.

Is Watchmen a good movie? Why, yes, even with all its debauchery, it is…for those of use over 18.

 
THOR’S DAY RANT: Transformers 2…much!
Written by Troglodad
Thursday, 02 July 2009 22:00
2 Comments

Hollywood has got some balls.

I know, because myself, and my children, spent two hours looking at them.

I'm not speaking metaphorically here. I'm talking about actual testes, in robot form, proudly displayed and talked about throughout the entire Transformers sequel. A sequel billed and advertised — for example with Happy Meals and toys — as a kids' movie.

I really shouldn't be surprised. The first Transformers movie has a whole bit about the mom asking Shia Lebeouf's character if he was masturbating. I have to fast forward past that crap every time the kids want to watch the movie.

But, like in "Something About Mary" before it, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen", has raised (or maybe that's lowered) the bar.

There's the scene of a chihuahua humping on a bulldog — showing he's dominant, har-de-har-har.

There's the Decepticon that turns good and falls in love with Megan Fox's character — as exhibited by grabbing her leg and humping on it, complete with little servo-sounds and the full visual monstrosity of a bipedal, dog-sized robot going at it.

There's the Decepticon made from various construction equipment, including a crane. When one character is beneath the robot, trying to call in an airstrike, he looks up and sees two wrecking balls, dangling together, under the Decepticon's groin. "I'm right under the scrotum," he reports via radio.

There's the little appliance Decepticon whose groin sprouts a massive cannon he uses to wage war in the main character's kitchen — no doubt a tribute to Tom Savini's crotch-gun from "From Dusk til Dawn".

But wait, aside from the testicular fortitude the filmmakers had in all this groinal talk, they also managed to throw in even more terrible things. Like the ghetto-talking Twins — Autobots emulating TV rapper wannabes. One even has a gold tooth. I'm not black, but I was thoroughly offended by this jive crap.

Then there's the brownies the main character's mother buys when he goes off to college. They come in a bag with a pot leaf on the front — that she mistakes for some other plant. C'mon. Is there really ANYONE in the United States over 15 that doesn't know what a marijuana leaf looks like? That joke might have been funny in the 1980s, but I think our population is pretty well educated about drugs these days. And of course, once she eats the brownies, clueless mom then gets as high as Lindsay Lohan on a Friday night — going so far as to tackle some college student and take his frisbee.

And of course, my favorite cover-your-kids'-eyes moment: Shia Labeouf's character meets some hot chick in college who becomes very aggressive — straddling him like a stripper straight out of a Quentin Tarantino movie, while trying to talk seductively.

There are times when grown up situations are appropriate for movies. Bare breasts, for example, are expected in any slasher movie featuring teenagers being hunted by lone psycopaths. And I'd expect testicle jokes in any R Rated comedy — but Transformers?

Maybe the film was made for 13 year old boys. Maybe the marketing department missed that memo and pushed on with dreams of another Jurassic Park merchandising bonanza. But as a parent, I'd have liked a frickin' warning! I expected violence. And my kids know it's make believe. But the sex talk and balls-in-your-face humor is too much.

What will the next Transformer's movie have? A romance between a gay Autobot and Decepticon? Shia Labeouf's character graduating college and taking up a career in the porn industry?

Hollyweird needs to draw a line, build a brick wall on it, and not cross it. Keep the testicles in your pants, and off the screen, please.