Posts Tagged ‘television’
I WANT THAT JOB!
Written by Troglodad
Wednesday, 06 May 2009 01:17
2 Comments

When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up  and become a super-villain or a commando. Then, when I did grow up, I wanted to be a writer or a minister. As life would have it, I am none of the above. I am a civil servant by day, and write for fun, not profit, by night.

But now, I want a new job.

Ghost Hunter.

I was very surprised a few months ago when my wife started watching all these ghost shows on TV. This is the same woman who forbids me from saying the name of a movie that scared the living crap out of her. The woman who fast forwards (thank you digital video recorder) through commercials for scary movies.

But she loves the ghost shows. In particular, Scifi's "Ghost Hunters,"  a show about some regular-joe Plumbers that hunt clogs by day, spirits by night.

Like any good husband, I agreed to watch a few episodes with her. And, like any good computer nerd, I began to research the show on the internet. I came across a lot of criticism of the methods the "Ghost Hunters" use and accusations of faking results.

Okay, first off, it's TV, people! What do you expect?! It's not shown on PBS or even Discovery channel. It's not a docudrama. It's frickin' entertainment.

Now, before some diehard fans of "Ghost Hunters" start to blast me, I'm not saying they fake anything. I'm saying I don't care if they do. Real or fake, it's a fun show. It's well-edited to hold your interest, and you get to see places from around the country. What the hell else do the critics want?

Now, I'm not a fanatical follower of the show. I don't accuse the critics of being haters. I'm just saying it's TV. Take it for what it is and change the channel if you don't like it. Do people think "Survivor" is a real survival show? Do they think Donald Trump fires people on the "The Apprentice" based solely upon their work performance?

The "Ghost Hunters" have a sweet deal. They drive to some old house, they wander around in the dark, recording this and that. No heavy labor. No tedious paperwork. If they don't find anything, no big deal. You can't disprove what isn't there. It's like one of my favorite shows, "MonsterQuest." No one is going to fault you for not producing results. It's the search that people tune in to see.

And now they're hiring.

That's right, Pilgrim Productions has a call out for a "New Generation" of Ghost Hunters. If ever anyone was going to apply for a reality show, this is the one to apply for. I personally would hate to be on TV- I don't use a pen-name to be clever, I want my privacy. But stick a recorder in my hand, shove me into a dark house with a film crew and then give me a paycheck in the morning and I'll laugh all the way to the bank. Much better than my day job where I have to sit at a desk all day, answering phones, doing paperwork and listening to the public bitch and moan. Holy Crap. What an awesome job the Ghost Hunters have.

Unfortunately, I think they're looking for 20-somethings for the new show. A younger crowd keeping in line with Hollywood's ongoing theme of reinventing everything. I can't wait to see a reinvention of "Grumpy Old Men" with teenagers. The title alone will be worth waiting for. Or "On Golden Pond," maybe with teenagers battling cancer.  And they're blonde.

But I digress.  If you're not into ghosts, watch this show at least once and appreciate the luck of the "Ghost Hunters" in scoring such a great job. Live vicariously through their good fortune. Because at the end of the day, these guys get paid whether they find spirits or creaking floorboards. And that should raise anyone's spirits.

 
THE TRUTH ABOUT HDTV
Written by Troglodad
Tuesday, 10 February 2009 09:29
8 Comments

TV holds a very dear place in my heart. Growing up, I saw more of my TV than my parents. When I was stationed overseas, none of my family wrote me letters, but TV was there for me. When I get home from work, and I’ve had a bad day, I can always plop down on the couch and find something to watch on TV. Yes, TV has always, and will always, be there for me.

You’d think I would be thrilled about the switch to Digital TV coming up this summer. But I can’t stand all the lies being thrown at gullible consumers, about my best friend.

First off, let me assure you, despite HH Gregg’s annoying commercials, your trusty old Analog TV is not going to "blitz off" this summer, when analog broadcasts stop.

While I’m at it, I’d like to also point out that you should never, ever buy HDMI cables from an electronics store. Go home and order them online- you’ll pay about 25% of store cost, and get a better cable.

And finally, a TV isn’t really "HD" unless it can output a 1080p picture. Read the fine print. Don’t get suckered into buying a 720p.

If you’re thoroughly confused at this point, keep reading. If you know what I’m talking about, go help a friend instead of spending more time on this article.

Up until now, TV in America has been broadcast on the analog standard. I won’t get into the highly technical definition of what that means. I’ll simplify it. When a record player scratches a vinyl record with a needle, sound vibrations are converted into electrical impulses. That’s analog. When your computer is hooked up to a microphone, it converts the electrical impulses from a microphone into a computer code. That’s digital.

When television stations stop broadcasting in analog, your TV will not shut off. It’ll show snow (static)- just like if you turn to a channel now that there’s no broadcast on. But that doesn’t mean your TV is no longer capable of receiving a picture- it just means no one is going to be broadcasting one (in analog).

Have a VCR? A DVD player? A satellite or cable receiver? All of those items will still emit an analog signal, over cables connected to your TV. You’ll still get a picture. You won’t need a DTV converter, or an HDTV.

Remember when DVDs came out? The picture was so much clearer than a VHS tape or even broadcast TV. That’s because DVDs have a higher resolution. Resolution refers to the pixels on your set. Your TV displays a picture by means of thousands of teeny, tiny colored dots- pixels. Like the road side hazard signs, but on a much tinier scale. The smaller the dots on your screen, and the more there are of them, the finer the picture looks. Kind of like drawing with a crayon, vs. drawing with a pencil.

Broadcast TV has a resolution of 128,400 pixels on the screen. Most analog, picture-tube TVs however could display as many as 307,200 pixels. DVDs output a picture closer to the 300,000 pixels than broadcast TV- explaining why they look so much better.

HDTV has a picture composed of 3,000,000 pixels. Quite a difference.

HDTV’s are defined by two standards, 720i/720p, or 1080i/1080p. Those numbers are a measure of the vertical lines of resolution. Less lines means less pixels. A 720p TV, while being sold for the same price as some 1080p's, DOES NOT have the same picture quality. Please don’t be tricked into thinking otherwise.

NOTE: The "i" and "p" is a reference to interlaced and "progressive scan" and is a technical TV term dating from the days of analog TV. Basically, if a picture is 480 lines high, the interlaced version shows 240 spaced lines in odd-numbered frames, and the other 240 frames on even-numbered frames, there being 30 frames displayed per second on television, creating the illusion of movement for your eye. Progressive scan shows you all 480 lines for each of the 30 frames per second, resulting in a finer picture.

(On a side note, bear in mind that on a 13″ TV, those pixels are going to be smaller than on a 42″ TV. A smaller TV then will have a finer, smoother-looking picture than a large TV)

DON’T OVERPAY FOR CABLES

Anytime you shop for a new HDTV, you’re going to be harassed about buying an HDMI cable. Don’t let your eyes glaze over and don't cave in to pressure.

Those red, white and yellow cables your first VCR used are called "composite" cables. The yellow cable carries a video signal, and the red and white carry audio signals.

When S-Video (Super Video) came out, the yellow cable was replaced with a black cable full of several tiny pins. The video cable was now split up and was capable of producing a better, higher resolution image.

Component cables look just like composite, consisting of a red and white audio lines, and red, green and blue video cables. Component cables can carry stunning 720i/p and 1080i images.

But not 1080p.

See, when all the electronics companies got together to work out sharing the technology of HDTV, they agreed that true 1080p images would only be sent out over HDMI cables- a digital, computery-looking cable. HDMI carries picture and digital audio. No analog involved. This results in superior audio and video, and allows you to fully enjoy the HDTV experience. And you can’t record over HDMI connections.

The problem with HDMI is that the cables are sold in stores for 4 times what they can be bought online. Yes, FOUR (4) times. Or more.

Take the average 6-foot HDMI cable for your new 1080p TV. At Bestbuy, it’ll run you $39.99.

However, any number of websites will sell you a superior cable, for less. My favorite online store, Monoprice.com, sells a gold-plated, 6-foot HDMI cable for $3.56 +shipping.

Yes, $3.56.

Now, you can get more expensive cables at Bestbuy. You can also buy higher quality cables at Monoprice.com. But the cheapest, crappiest cable at Bestbuy is still far more than the best cable Monoprice has to offer.

It’s a racket. It makes McDonald’s profit margin on french fries look tame.

Moral of the story: before you part with your hard-earned cash to enjoy the wonderous beauty of my bestest friend TV, please do just a little reading. The money you could save could be put toward a lot of snacks, something every good couch potato needs.

 
NBC’s “Average Joe” exposed in swine production ring
Written by Ron McClure Jr.
Friday, 10 October 2008 03:23
1 Comment

Earlier today, I stumbled onto a reality show called, “Average Joe.” The basic premise revolves around a beauty queen who is trying to find her soul-mate, or “someone to help her perpetuate Planned Parenthood” (it’s hard to tell). I knew that these dating shows were shallow and immoral, but I was inclined to root for the average “Joe,” seeing as how I grew up as one and have been given the old heave-ho (no pun intended) for the “pretty boy” jerk more than once. I thought to myself, “maybe I was just too soft, and maybe an ordinary ‘Joe’ with more self-confidence can do what I never could, ‘beat out the jock.’” I quickly assumed some warped personal attachment to these underdogs, and reluctantly decided to watch.

The girl, who I’ll call “Amber,” was very attractive and ironically seemed very sweet. She poured compliments on the “Average Joe” contestants, and I thought to myself, “maybe I’ve just had bad experiences.” Maybe, just maybe, a girl can be physically attractive and also adhere to the, “it’s the personality that counts,” rhetoric spewed by many women…maybe, I had just been jilted one too many times, and had grown callous from all of the wounds. :-(

Anyway, the show later introduced some new contestants, however these guys were the type of “pretty boys” I spoke of earlier (this show referred to them as “jocks”). As they sashayed into the room, Amber was reduced to a bowl of jelly, and she smiled from ear to ear as saliva dripped from her chin. She never considered the average “Joe’s” again…she was captivated. When the producers instructed Amber to choose a date for the night, she didn’t hesitate for a second. “Rocky!” she exclaimed (that’s what this jock called himself). Rocky? You’re kidding, right? Apparently, he had successfully marketed himself (and his chiseled body); because, in a brief moment, Amber had been beguiled like a 9 month-old playing with a set of keys, while being serenaded with a recitation of “this little piggy went to the market.” When interviewed, she claimed that she had “felt some connection” the moment they made eye contact.

Really? We of the “male” persuasion tend to experience that from time to time, too! It’s commonly referred to as, lust! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to marginalize the negative effects of lust, because after all, why do women call men pigs? Because, men ARE lusting machines. Most women CLAIM to be “above that,” and when they lust, they write it off as “chemistry” or “connection.” Certainly, most women are above this primal curse (I hope), but what kind of message does this crap send to young men and women? To a young man it says, “if you work out, talk smooth and ‘act mysterious’…you will nail virtually every chick, nearly every time.” To young women it blazons, “plaster the word ‘juicy’ across your @$$, and men will love you,” when in reality, men just like “connecting” with your caboose.

How do young people stand a chance of finding happiness in today’s society when TV says, “if you pretend to be something you’re not…you’ll score”?

Continuing onward, some interesting developments arose on the show when the Joe’s and jocks were sent on a “guys’ night out” to a local bar that was “supposed” to be away from the cameras. Of course, the show’s producers made sure cameras were rolling and even took the liberty of sending in several attractive women to “flirt” with (more like seduce) the guys. Long story short, one of the guys kissed “another woman.” When Amber confronted the contestant’s infidelity, her chin quivered as the tears rolled down her sweet little, “innocent” face. She was devastated. I mean, how could he have kissed another girl? Never mind that in the past few weeks Amber herself had her tongue down the throats of no less than a half dozen different blokes.

That wasn’t the end of it, however. Like in a good ol’ monkey melee, handfuls of crap were hurled at this guy. She had indubitably been forsaken by this modern-day Judas, and he obviously didn’t care about her if he could… would… “BETRAY HER LIKE THAT!!”

Amber, along with the producers of Average Joe would have you believe that she was victimized by this guy. It matters little that he kissed one girl, ONE, and he had to be entrapped in order for that to happen. He’s just a two-timing whore of a man; a deceitful libertine that has not one decent bone in his body; a pig whose thought processes don’t rise above his basest desires. Meanwhile, sweet little Amber has EVERY right to “sample” a buffet of men. And she can do it with a clear conscience, because after all, “she’s confused and having a hard time deciding whom to choose” (poor, poor woman). It’s all very sad.

Almost every man has a story about being “the nice guy” (because that’s what women say that they want). But these stories usually end with our hero’s heart ripped from his blood soaked thorax and haughtily cast to the ground. The real she-devils are sure to give it a good stomp to eradicate any residual capacity to trust.

It’s no wonder some men are the way they are. It only takes a couple of times to get kicked in the teeth, before you start wearing a face-mask. What idiot would keep serving up his chin to his opponent, knowing the deadly uppercut is lurking behind that pretty smile and floral scent? Guard your faces fellas, because this world is messed up!