Sensible Life normally features in this section people who are making a difference –a positive difference –in the world, but this issue, we want to touch on a very real group of people who impact the world in a negative manner. Their impact has even resulted in death. This group is known as cyberbullies. I was at home ill last month and was flipping through some channels on the television, when one program caught my attention. The Dr. Phil Show was interviewing Tina Meier, the mother of 14 year old Megan Meier. Megan committed suicide in the fall of 2006 by hanging herself in her own bedroom closet, prompted by hateful messages flying back and forth on MySpace between her and a fictitious boy, Josh Evans.

The bogus character profile of Josh was created by Lori Drew, the mother of a former friend of Megan’s. With the assistance of that former friend, as well as enlisting the help of a temporary employee, Josh Evans came into the cyber world and right to Megan’s virtual door. The sole purpose of Josh’s existence was to gain Megan’s trust and learn what she was saying about her former friend to others. To read the entire story, visit this link http://stcharlesjournal.stltoday.com and also at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megan_Meier .

This story has brought up some painful memories of girls physically stalking my own daughter, even threatening to kill her, and the difficulty I had in getting something done that would protect her. Sure, incidences can be reported, but unless charges are filed, and sentences imposed, the person being stalked is only adding fuel to the fire by reporting the matter to authorities. Before all was said and done, we sent my daughter to a private school and had our home monitored. It’s a scary thing when your child is going through something like this. It took about two years after she changed schools before these girls would stop harassing her, although it was more at a minimum level with no death threats after she left the school these girls attended.

Whether in person, or online, bullies exist everywhere. Even a consumer website, Planetfeedback.com, that was designed to help consumers get results on problems they were having with merchants has been degraded to the point it no longer looks or feels legitimate. The reason for this is because PFB began to allow comments on letters posted on the site. Members can now create personal profiles, as well as their own blog and they can stalk and harass other members without anything being done to prevent what is referred to as “flame wars.”

When I first learned about this, I tried baiting them with a couple of issues, and what I experienced was like throwing out a carcass in vulture country –they flocked and they flamed. Since I had no passionate stake in the game, I was somewhat amused by the scenario, but I can see where someone who might be passionate about the letter they had written would be offended and upset at some of the comments. The trolls, as the flamers are sometimes referred to, tended to be really venomous, and many times they get sidetracked from the real issue. When I tried to delve further into this by contacting PFB for an interview, I was met with cynicism –the gentleman I was e-chatting with didn’t believe I was a reporter with a newspaper at the time. I had to scan in copies of my articles, and once he received them, he never responded again, completely ignoring my e-mails. Hmmmm…did the bully get bullied back? I still have those e-mails in my archives in case he ever decides to talk with me.

The thing is, people do get upset over these flame wars, but what they fail to realize is the type of person who has the time to do this. Think about it. What kind of person has the time to sit at a computer round the clock –yes, some of these posts come in at all hours –and make comments about the problems of others. If you’re wondering, take a look at the profiles. Some of them haven’t even lived on this earth long enough to know what a serious problem is, much less be able to give sound advice on some else’s.

It’s not much different with many of the MySpace users. There’s something intriguing about hiding behind that virtual wall and being anyone you want to be. It’s as if some become drunk with the power they can exercise over others. It’s much different than just a bad rumor going around at school. Instead, the rumor is posted in a public forum where anyone can easily find it. That narrows the option for a safe haven for someone being bullied. There is no option to go to another place and get away from it. This makes the bully’s target feel more helpless and intimidated, and the bully more powerful than ever.

Currently, there is not much case law on cyberbullying. Megan’s incident will help in changing that, but how sad that someone had to die to make others sit up and take notice.

If you insist on creating a profile on a site like MySpace, remember these things for safety purposes:

1. Consider the source. If you don’t personally know someone, approach with caution as you would a stranger on the street. If their profile is a picture of someone who is exceptionally good looking, and they seem perfect in every way, there’s a huge red flag. No one is that perfect.

2. Don’t engage in flame wars. If you get in the middle of it before you realize what is happening, then post something that is totally out of context, or something that is intended to be funny. If they continue insulting you, sound like a “broken record” and repeat the comment, or simply stop commenting at all –even if the temptation is great. This takes control away, and they will likely get frustrated and quit commenting. After all, how can one continue a conversation like that without becoming bored or disinterested. It may take several sessions of doing that to finally get them to go away and bother someone else, but hang in there. I’ve done it and it works.

3. Remember who your real friends are. Don’t shun them for your cyber friends, or you may end up losing out all the way around. Also remember the flip side of “you can’t be liked by everyone,” in that, not everyone hates you either. If someone online is claiming that everyone hates you, think about the reality of that statement. Also remember, if you have one good friend, you’re not alone in this world.

4. Be considerate and don’t incite anger in others. If you go out there in cyberland and make bold and brassy comments, it’s the old adage “you reap what you sow.” And be who you are online. Don’t exaggerate, or create bogus profiles. It’s no different than telling a lie, and liars are generally caught at some point and have to own up to the farce.

5. If you find you are getting angry or upset over something being said online, no matter how tempting it is to stay online and continue exchanging messages, don’t. Walk away and give yourself time to cool down.

Editor's Note: This piece reproduced with the permission of the author. You can view other commentaries she has written at sensiblelife.com.